Jason's Story
I was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 1969. My dad was in the military so we moved around a lot. My brother came along fourteen months later. Our family also included my half sister who was older and from my mom's first marriage. When I was around eight or nine, my mom and dad divorced. Then she married a man who was an alcoholic. It was kind of difficult living with him, but mom took care of us. She made her husband agree that he would never hit us.
In 1982 I met Sarah through a friend. We did a lot of partying together and a lot of cruising. She was three years younger than I was and still living at home. Her parents liked me, though, because I treated them with respect. Sarah was not too happy at home, though, and went to live with my sister in Albuquerque. She came back in the spring of 1983, and in late summer I found out she was pregnant.
I had mixed feelings about her pregnancy. I really loved Sarah, and I was glad she was going to have my kid. Being a man, it was good to know I was not sterile. My mom kept telling me I could have a kid and still not get married. I was 19 and Sarah was 16. I figured we better get married, but Sarah wanted to wait till after the baby was born. Sarah lived with her mid-wife who was about an hour's drive away, and I used to visit them two to three times per week. On April 2, 1984 Laura was born. I helped with the birth. It was a miracle to see this new being come into the world!
Sarah and I were married, and we moved into a one bedroom apartment with Laura. It was really difficult, because we did not have much money. Sarah had dropped out of school but was getting her GED.
She had been taking birth control pills. They didn't agree with her, so we went to a family planning clinic, and they instructed us in the rhythm method of birth control. We used that successfully for over a year, but they forgot to tell us you had to change some of the timing after a year. When Laura was just under two years old, we found out Sarah was pregnant again. We didn't know what to do. I was involved in drugs at the time, and Sarah was supposed to go back to school. We had no money and the future looked bleak.
Sarah was firm about an adoption plan, but I was not sure what do. My parents did not support us in our decision because we were married. Even though it went against my parents' wishes, I knew had to do what was best for my family--for Sarah and Laura.
Going through with the adoption was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was difficult to say "good bye" at the hospital. The first month after Jason's birth was hard. I wanted a boy so bad.
I was going back and forth, wondering if we were doing the right thing. My emotions pulled me one way, and my thoughts pulled the other way. I wanted Jason to grow up with a couple who had other children and in a family where he would be taken care of and loved.
As I look back, I can see the good outweighs the pain. Now we both feel it was the best decision.
Sarah and I were divorced a couple of years after the birth of Jason. In the last year, I met and fell in love with a woman named Jane. We're planning to be married on Sept. 7,1991. She is good with Laura. Maybe together, we will have a large family.
Jason's Adoptive Dad Writes
Adoption to me is a miracle that gave me a chance to be a father that I would not have had otherwise. I had a fear that we would never be parents and that made me feel sad.
Our first son, Jamie, was born in 1981. The time prior to the adoption was pretty frustrating and hard to deal with. There were so many uncertainties and lots of anxiety, but it was certainly worth the wait. The day we first saw Jamie, I felt as excited and emotional as if Jamie had been born to us. Each additional adoption was just as exciting and emotionally draining--in a good way.
Our first adoption was a confidential adoption. In 1983, we made the decision to look for Jamie's birthrnother. We were successful and began to correspond with her and share our lives via mail. In 1986 when we first met Mary Kay in person, I felt very self-conscious. Now that I know her as a person, I feel comfortable around her. When I tell other people about how we opened his adoption, I feel some of the same emotions (excitement, fear, joy)as if it were just yesterday.
We adopted Jason in 1986. It was an open adoption from the beginning. I like being close to Sarah and Rob, Jason's birthparents, so we can share Jason's changes. My relationship with Rob is special because he is the only birthfather of our kids whom I know. I hope to meet the other birthfathers of our kids someday, but I realize that may not hap- pen. Rob and I both like sports, so he's easy to talk to. Sometimes I wonder if he approves of how we're raising Jason. I hope so.
Julie came to our family in 1987. She is special because she is our only daughter. We see Jeanne, Julie's birthmother, and her parents about once a year, but we talk on the phone several times a year and correspond by mail.
The openness we experience with our birthparents is wonderful for us and for our children. We enjoy being part of a "big family." I like being able to deal with real people rather than "fantasy birth families.
I love watching our children grow and become adults, and we are so grateful to our birthfamilies for allowing us to share our lives with them.
Jason's Story by Jason, age 4
My name is Jason. I am four years old. I like to play with Laura. Laura is my best friend. She is my birthsister. I like her.
Sarah is my birthmother. Her name starts with the letter "s." I like it when Sarah comes and reads me a Peter Pan book.
Rob is my birthfather. Rob comes to my birthday at Bullwinkles. I like it when he tickles me.
Joan is my birth grandmother Joan likes to play some ABCs with me. Manny is my birth- grandfather. He gives some presents to me. I like him. I like to go to his house.
Julie is Jamie's best friend. Jamie is not my best friend. He is my big brother, and Julie is my sister. We play a lot.
I love Mommy and Daddy. Dad cooks me peas. Mom gives me some Lucky Charms. We can pet Kizzy. She's my dog. We all have fun.
I get in bed and sleep. Good night.
