Kids, Chrisrtmas Presents, and the Economy

Taken from Growing Concerns -- A childrearing question-and-answer column with Dr. Martha Erickson

QUESTION:
My husband was laid off a few months ago, and we're on a much tighter budget than we've been before. Our kids, who are 9 and 10, usually have gotten quite a few expensive Christmas gifts, and their friends' families are pretty lavish about gifts, too. But we just won't be able to do it this year. I don't want the kids to feel let down at Christmas, and I also don't want them to worry too much about our financial problems. What's a reasonable way to handle this with kids this age?

ANSWER:
With the recent downturn in the economy, many families are in the same boat. You're smart to think ahead about how to help your children have realistic expectations without dampening the anticipation and excitement that make Christmas so special in childhood. At nine and ten, your children are old enough for you to have a straightforward discussion about the need to work within a tighter budget. In fact, I'd encourage you to include the children in planning with you how to make the holiday season special despite the financial limits.

To start with, talk calmly and realistically about your need to follow a stricter budget while Dad's unemployed, not only for Christmas gifts and activities, but more generally. Brainstorm together about ways you might reduce expenses: buying generic brands at the grocery store and pharmacy; carpooling; putting on warm sweaters and lowering the thermostat; looking for free or low-cost recreational activities to do together; making cards and simple gifts for friends and family. By participating in shaping the budget, the kids will learn a great lesson for life.
Engage the children in coming up with creative ideas about affordable activities to do together to celebrate the holiday season. For example, it costs little or nothing to go sledding, take in the wonderful Holidazzle parade (a holiday tradition in Minneapolis, where you live), or have friends over for an evening of games or a Christmas video and popcorn.

When the kids nonetheless begin to dream about all the things they want to put on their Christmas list-?as they are bound to do--have them prioritize the list, reminding them that they may need to save for some of the items in the future. Also, to keep the list more reasonable, turn off those TV commercials.

If the children are tempted to compare their gifts to the lavish gifts of their friends, gently direct their attention to others who have less. One way to do this is to reach out as a family to others in need, helping at a local food shelf, serving a meal at a homeless shelter or gathering up your children's outgrown winter clothes and toys for children who have none.

Overall, try to help your children focus on the true meaning of the holiday rather than the commercial circus it so often becomes. Perhaps you'll find that, even when Dad is back at work and your budget loosens up, you will want to make this more simple Christmas your ongoing family tradition. Many of us, regardless of financial status, would be wise to do the same.

Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.