Learning to Ride a Bike
QUESTION:
Our 9-year-old son does well in school, is well liked, and excels in several sports. Our concern is that he is convinced he cannot ride a bike. Several years ago he nearly learned and, despite a few spills, rode for a day or so. Then we went on vacation, and ever since he has resisted even trying to ride. Recently we took him to a level parking lot twice for practice. The first day he fell and got scraped. Last time he actually rode on his own for some distance, but he still insists he lacks the balance to ride. He is frustrated and embarrassed, and we are concerned because all of his friends ride and he will be left out of activities. Should we persist in forcing practice, let him bring it up, get a third party involved to teach him, or something else?
ANSWER:
No doubt it is frustrating for you to see that your son has the balance and coordination to ride a bike, but to be unable to convince him that he does. Since he does so many other things well, it may be that perfectionism stops him from struggling through those challenging
early stages of getting comfortable on a bike. Falling is a very visible indication of what he perceives as failure; it can be embarrassing as well as physically painful.
Add to that the pressure he must feel, both from his peers and from you, who know that bikes are an important element in peer relations for children his age. Pressure leads most of us to tighten up and perform more poorly. (Have you ever struck out in baseball when the pressure was on? Or wiped out on the ski slopes when you were trying to impress someone with your smooth turns?)
Since your son is not in a good state of mind to take on this challenge right now, I suggest you ease up for a while. Assure him that there's no rule that says kids must ride a bike by a certain age and that you know he'll be able to do it when he decides he's ready. For now, encourage him to focus on other activities and, continuing in the sports he enjoys. When he is ready to try the bike again, let him make the choice as to how he does it. Be there to help if he wishes, offer to find someone else to help (maybe an uncle or a neighborhood teenager), or let him try on his own with no one watching. Who knows? Now that the weather is cooling down, maybe the extra padding of fall clothes will make falling a little less threatening. However he chooses to master the task, or even if he decides not to at all, let it be his choice and be there to cheer him on.
Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
