I was asked once what I, as a birth mother, would look for were I able to 'pick' prospective parents for my child. I gave this a lot of thought. Of course monetary wealth came to mind. Who would not like to foresee a financially stable life for their child? Private schools, a new car at 16, a good college education...the whole American Dream. Then too there is the 'white picket fence' scenario, with Robert Young as the doting father, or maybe a Leave It To Beaver picture. How about a trip to Walton's Mountain? Thinking deeper and more realistically, though, none of those things would be my main concern.

If and when you meet the woman who is to mother your child, look deeply in her eyes and see her soul. Should you parent her child these are the eyes you will later see. Her child will be a reflection of her, and not just physically. Many traits and characteristics are genetic. Notice her little idiosyncrasies, can you accept them?

My daughter spent just those precious 9 months in my womb, and a brief encounter after birth, yet she is more like myself than any of the later children who grew up with me.

Yes, a child does pick up a lot of habits and beliefs from the parents who rear them, but even more is instilled from the woman who bears them. This fact has been proven. Not all children are capable of being straight A students; could you accept a C? Not all children are natural beauties. Could you accept a chubby little girl with straight unruly hair? I would want to be assured foremost that even if my child was no beauty nor a Rogue scholar, that she or he would be loved and accepted. The one and only thing I would look for is unconditional love.

© 2003