Mind Over Matters - Fights Between Friends
You may find that a friend doesn't agree with you about something you value or disappoints you in a situation. It can be something simple, like a friend forgetting to meet you somewhere, or much more complicated, like a friend betraying your trust or doing something behind your back. Whatever the case, it can leave you feeling angry, sad, or disappointed.
The best thing to do is to talk to your friend about it as calmly as you can. This isn't easy - it can be hard to find the courage to confront someone you care about. But by doing this, you can probably get to the bottom of the problem. For example, you might say, "I was really disappointed when you didn't meet me at the park. What happened?" By talking about how you feel and asking for an explanation, you'll get it off your chest and probably feel better.
Two things you should never do when trying to solve a problem with a friend are fighting with physical force (or weapons) or involving a bunch of other friends in your personal situation. People sometimes resort to these methods because they seem like an easy way out. It doesn't require much thought or consideration to fight or talk behind someone's back, but it can make things a lot worse.
Fighting with physical force or weapons is dangerous and can hurt or kill. Violence never solves problems, but it does make problems impossible to repair. And in addition to feeling upset already, you can end up getting into serious trouble.
Involving other friends in an argument is usually problematic. A friend hearing a "he said that she said that he said" conversation isn't likely to want to patch things up. In most cases, the friend will just feel hurt, so it's worth the extra effort to talk to him alone. If it's hard to find the right words when talking to a friend, don't be afraid to ask for advice from someone you trust like an older sibling, parent, or guidance counselor.
Reviewed by: Kim Rutherford, MD
Date reviewed: August 2001
