Friends are important, whether you have one or 100 of them. When you have stress and pressures to deal with, it helps to know that a friend (or group of friends) is there for you. Friends can feel like the glue that holds everything together in your life.

But people change and develop new interests at different rates, and this can affect relationships. A friend who you've always gotten along with might suddenly disagree with you about something that's very important to you. These types of issues are completely normal - and you're not alone if you're facing them.

Growing Apart

When you're a kid, it's easy to become friends with someone. Maybe you live next door or down the hall from one another, or you both love the same movie or ice-cream flavor. You both love playing the same games and doing the same activities - making cookies, riding bikes, or playing soccer together is enough to keep your friendship strong.

But when you're older, things become more complicated. Even though you're still into soccer, your friend may have traded in his cleats for a computer. Another friend may spend all her free time with her boyfriend - and you may get upset because you feel like you don't matter as much to her anymore. These changes happen because this is a time when people's tastes and priorities change. People want to try out new things as they figure out who they are.

When friends start to have less in common, it can be hard to deal with. It might feel as if the friend you once knew so well has gone away. But that's not really true; most of the time, your friend is still the same on the inside, it's just that his interests have changed.

If you feel like it's becoming harder to find things in common with an old friend, you have a couple of choices. The first is to give your friend's new activities a try - you've had fun playing soccer with him in the past, so you might enjoy playing on the computer, too. It's also a good idea to ask your friend if he wants to join you in doing some stuff that you like now.

If you find that it's just too hard to agree on stuff or your friend or friends are too into something that just isn't you, you can start to expand your circle of friends. Try checking out school and community clubs, art or music classes, sports teams, or volunteer opportunities to meet people with similar interests.

Reviewed by: Kim Rutherford, MD
Date reviewed: August 2001