FOR MY SAKE

Being it's almost mother's day, I thought I'd share this poem I wrote for my birth mother. I wrote this when I was at my lowest point - no one would give me any information and I had decided to give up my search. The day after I wrote this, I got a phone call from someone who had known my birth mother. O.K. here goes:

FOR MY SAKE

I dream of you nearly every night,
Looking down on me - eyes so bright,
With the tears you must have shed,
At the decision you had to make,
For my sake,

I wonder at the thought of you,
What did you look like?
You favorite thing to do?
Was your hair dark like mine?
Did your dark eyes shine
With the thought of this new life
Growing under your heart?
What was it that I don't yet understand
That made it necessary for us to part?
For my sake.

When you carried me,
Did you tell me of all the things I'd do and see?
People I'd meet, the woman I'd grow up to be?
Did you tell me how much I was loved?
Did you pray to God above,
That I would be cared for,
And loved,
And protected, as you were unable to do,
For my sake.

As I write this for you, my mother,
I think of all the things I would tell you,
What my life has been like,
The things I like to do.
I would tell you of the closeness I feel to you,
Do you feel it, too?
I would tell you of the woman I'm trying to be.
Because, you see, I must think of these things,
For my sake.

So, my search will end now,
Because this is what's best,
And I will know you one day,
Whether in this life, or the next.
Someday I will understand all the things
That have been kept in the dark.
That you did what you did,
Not as a lark.
But because your love for me was so deep,
And so great.
That you broke you own heart,
Not out of selfish desire,
But for my sake.

Written by B. Buck, August 1993.

The day after I wrote this, I learned that my birth mother had died Aug. 8, 1989. I will always regret not searching for her sooner.
Happy mother's day, Mom.