Now What?

Twenty-six hours after leaving our home, we arrived in Bucharest, Romania, to finish the adoption process of our fraternal, female twins, Ana and Maria, age 13 months. We had received training from Bal Jagat on what to expect and had chatted with other parents who had completed their adoption journey. Suddenly, it did not seem enough. I was exceedingly anxious. Could we take care of twins? Could we adapt to being instant parents? I hope that this article will assuage similar fears of other prospective adoptive parents.

After we stepped off the plane in Bucharest and cleared customs, we found that the ports-bed the agency had provided was lost. Registering this loss took time, due to the language barrier. My husband and I were afraid Vivi Illiescu (Copiii Lumii Foundation/Bal Jagat director in Romania) would think we changed our minds. However, she and Dan (Copiii Lumii social worker) were waiting patiently outside the customs area. Dan helped us with our luggage and Vivi seated us in her car.

It was our understanding that we would have a good night's rest then pick up the children the next day. My husband, who has endured numerous business trips to Japan, was fairing better in the fatigue department than I was. I felt like I had narcolepsy. While driving to our apartment, Vivi surprised us by saying, "Uhh...We have to pick up the children tonight because tomorrow, May 1, is a national holiday." My anxiety jumped threefold! Vivi was very reassuring. So we only had two hours to pull ourselves together before traveling to the orphanage.

As we walked up the orphanage steps to the upper level, the decor reminded me of a state hospital where I had once worked - pipes on the outside of the beige-painted walls, sparsely decorated but clean and warm. The orphanage director and social worker were congenial women who smiled and nodded. Their English was limited but the director expressed kinds words. As the girls were brought in, Ana was handed to my husband, Mike, and she promptly burst into tears. We were warned that the children are not used to males, given the fact that most of the attendants are female. Maria was then given to my husband and took to him much better, though she kept staring at his mustache! Ana was cuddled in my lap.

All the paperwork, expense, and worry was worth it! Just to hold these little dears in my arms. I was still anxious about our coping skills though. I had completed a fair amount of reading and I was expecting the worst. I was pleasantly surprised.

In response to some questions you might have:

· Some books talked about the children grieving for the orphanage - the only home they ever knew. With our girls, I did not find this to be true. They were very curious about their surroundings. Their attitude seemed to be "What took you so long?" It was a very emotional leave-taking for the orphanage staff who truly loved these children.

· The psychologist's report, which had been translated into English, was surprisingly informative. Since I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I was happy to receive this document.

· The children do receive some immunizations but they are abbreviated on the paperwork and the dates list only month and year. This caused difficulties when we returned to the States because the abbreviations are naturally different here and you must have an exact date for school entrance.

· Don't forget to bring all over the counter medications with you, including Orajel. You can purchase diapers in Romania but I found them a little hard to find and they are very thick/bulky.

· My twins talked baby talk primarily and appeared to say one word each in Romanian. We spoke a few words as well but, after a month, they appeared to understand English. Amazing!

· Also, I had read that rocking behaviors were prevalent in children who came from orphanages. Maria did not exhibit this behavior and Ana only rocked about 2-3 times in her crib at night. I would rub her back and the behavior stopped. Maria required a piece of cloth to be near her face in order to sleep.

· Bathing was a bit of an ordeal. I am not sure how they were bathed in the orphanage but they were very clean and did not even have a diaper rash! However, when we put them in the tub, they screamed and held on to us. They tried to climb out, using us as ladders! One day, I gently splashed the water and this attracted Ana's attention and there were no more screaming episodes. Now, I can't get them to stop splashing!

· The twins were not walking independently when we were in Romania though Ana took a few steps. They were active crawlers. Dan had informed us that this was common in children from the orphanage and they caught up quickly. This proved to be true. One day, they were crawling around our condo and it seemed like the next day they were running!

· Feeding: They preferred all food to be warm and the orphanage added sugar. Maria tended to gobble her food and choke. We had to give her one serving of each item at a time or she would be anxious and start to cry. I think she was afraid that she was not going to get enough to eat. This behavior took a few months before it disappeared. Both children were somewhat underweight but not as bad as I expected.

· With regards to the accommodations, the apartment we stayed in was large, clean and charming. Some drawbacks: it was on the fifth floor - no elevator. Electrical plugs were prominently displayed in the wall and were not safe. We would up putting our luggage in front of them. In addition, there are no laws about children being placed in car seats in Romania. They only need to be placed in the back seat. This can be "amusing" on the trip to Bran Castle.

· Initially, the twins were afraid of grass. They would sit at the edge of our patio and blow "raspberries" at it. Eventually, they overcame this fear and now love the outdoors.

· Lastly, has anyone mentioned that children from orphanages can be "strong-willed"? It is my pleasure to confirm this suspicion. It can be frustrating at times but we try to remember that it was one of the traits that helped them make it through the first year of their lives.

Now, I look back at this journey and at times, it seems like a dream. Other times, I marvel at how lucky we were to receive two sweethearts! Your fears may overwhelm you and you may feel like
throwing in the towel. But, trust me, it is well worth it!!!

Credits: Regina Edwards