Ours, Ours, and Ours
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Adding to a Family Through Adoption
I can hardly believe three years have passed since our trip to Poland to adopt our two sons, Daniel and Michael. My husband and I began our process of adoption two years before, when we decided to give our daughter, Sara, the wonderful experience of having siblings. After much research and soul-searching, our family decided to pursue international adoption from Poland through Huminska's Anioly, as Poland was the birth-country of my husband's parents. The experience has truly enriched our lives.
Special Needs
When the Pottenger family began considering adoption, they already had five children. Two had left the nest, and three were living at home. After much research, they decided to pursue international adoption, and believed the adoption system in Poland was superior to other Eastern Block countries. They especially wanted a boy who was younger than their youngest, and, if he came with sibling, that was fine, as long as their biological children weren't "twinned".
They first heard about David, and after reviewing his information, they called back with a definite "yes" to his becoming their son. A few days later, they were sent a video and were moved by a little girl with a most beautiful smile. They requested additional information and found that this little girl, Agatha, had very special needs. The Pottengers realized both of the children had strong emotional issues and were immature for their ages, but they decided to go forward. Mrs. Pottenger recalled her mother saying, "No hill is too high for a climber." and in 1997 they adopted Agatha, age 6, and David, age 3. The first six months were spent trying to learn how to incorporate all the children into the new family, complete with rules, expectations, roles, etc. They turned to a counselor for help, who recommended they let go of the old family structure and move forward by building a new one.
When asked if they'd do it all again, the Pottengers answered, "In a heartbeat! We would know that the real challenge was the beginning, because we were adding little people with their own personalities. We would start them in school as soon as possible because the school has many resources to help, and because our little ones needed to feel they were a part of our life and family, not just visitors. We would take one day at a time and celebrate the good days and remember that the not-so-good days become fewer and fewer.
"We're now one family. There's no biological vs. adopted-they're all ours. We're even thinking about adopting again."
Four Brothers
In 1998, three families made a trip to Poland to adopt four brothers living together in a children's home. An astute judge in Poland had requested that the boys be placed with families living in the U.S. within driving distance of each other. She hoped the brothers could remain in close contact with one another as they grew up. This judge changed the lives of fourteen family members in a truly remarkable way.
The families, who all had one or two biological children, spent three long weeks in Poland, eating, sleeping, traveling, getting to know each other, and, most importantly, bonding with the boys. Their consultant from Huminska's Anioly provided professional advice from the children's home director, a psychologist, a physician and an attorney. Those weeks passed all too quickly.
The DeWitt family adopted Benjamin, age 9, and brought him home with their daughter Jane, 11. The Wolski family (that's us), which included Sara, 12, adopted Daniel, 10, and Michael, 6. And the Wood family adopted Adam, 8, bringing him home to join daughters Marie, 10 and Kate, 2.
Initially, the boys were sad about being separated, but excited to be starting a new life with their families in a new country. They were reassured that everyone would keep in touch, and as Mrs. Dewitt says, "We haven't let them down. Almost every three months we get the boys together. Sometimes we book hotel rooms equidistant to all three families to minimize the driving, and work our vacations around visits. Ben and Daniel have just started using e-mail and instant messaging on the computer to communicate with each other."
All the boys had difficulty adjusting at first, but within four months they were speaking English comfortably. The younger two boys have had minor medical issues, but are still progressing well.
In our school district, Daniel and Michael were immediately placed in Transitional Program Instruction with a Polish-speaking teacher who bridged the communication gap successfully. Michael has received additional resources for a visual learning disability. The Dewitt family had help from two Polish seminarians who visited them and also spoke with Ben over the phone.
What effect has this multiple-family adoption experience had on the three families and their biological children? "These past three years have been wonderful," said Mrs. Dewitt, "not just for our experiences with Ben, or for the way he makes us appreciate what we have, but also for the additional experiences and friendships we've developed with Ben's brothers and their families."
As for the Wolski family, we're flourishing. Life certainly has changed, mostly through a wholeness that I now know was missing before we adopted the boys. The children fight - but hug, kiss and tease each other with such joy and fun that it fills our hearts with happiness when we take a step back to observe. Of course, there are difficult days when everyone seems to be out of sorts, but overall, watching children grow up together -- no matter how they came together to begin with -- is one of life's greatest rewards.
© Adoption Today
Credits: Cathryn Wolski
