Outgrowing Babysitters
Question:
Our 12-year-old son says he's too old to have a babysitter when we're at work this summer. Although he is capable and independent, we just don't feel good about leaving him on his own five days a week. But his persistence is starting to wear us down. What do you think?
Answer:
Trust your own instincts on this one. Even if your son is trustworthy and able to take care of himself, home alone is not the place for a 12-year-old. For one thing, it is too easy for an unsupervised child to spend too much screen time, eat too much junk food, or be pressured by peers to experiment in ways that can be risky. And all that unstructured, unsupervised time means too many missed opportunities for valuable and enjoyable learning activities. Granted, most boys your son's age dislike the idea of having a "babysitter," so toss that word out of your vocabulary and consider these ideas:
*Look into summer programs run by your local school district, YMCA or another community organization that offers fun and interesting activities for young adolescents.
*Engage your son in identifying ways he would like to spend his time, with a focus on opportunities to explore new interests and build new skills. Is there something he's always wanted to try in the arts or sports or nature activities? This is his chance.
*Look into places your son might be of service to others. Perhaps he has a skill he could pass on to younger children by volunteering at a day camp, childcare center, or recreational sports program. Teaching others is a great way to solidify your own learning, and there is no greater confidence-builder than finding that you have something of value to give others.
*Consider a balance of structured and flexible time. For example, maybe one or two days a week you could hire a college student to be at your house so your son could stay home. If you hire the student to do some household chores or yard work, you don't even have to call him a babysitter--even though he (or she) also provides supervision, guidance and companionship for your son. Alternatively, you might work out a trade with another neighborhood parent who is home during the day; your son could use the neighbor's house as home base on unstructured days and you, in turn, could look after the neighbor's child on a weekend or evening.
*Finally, acknowledge that you know your son is eager to be on his own, but let him know you have his best interests at heart. No matter how much he pleads or demands, you are the parents and it is your job to see that he is safe and engaged in activities that will encourage positive development. He may not thank you now, but someday he probably will. Even if he never says thank you, you are likely to see the fruits of your wise parenting decisions--and that is thanks enough.
Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
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