Do you have a friend, relative or neighbor with kids who drive you crazy with their misbehavior?

I think we all know one family that fits this description. It puts you into a very uncomfortable position. You know you can't discipline the kids, but you want to be able to enjoy your time with their family. What to do? Here are a few ideas that may help:

1. Spend more time on your turf.
When possible, meet at your home. Let all the kids know exactly what your expectations are. In other words, My house, my rules. Be kind and friendly, but firm, "Hugo, in this house we don't jump on the sofa." Often the kids who misbehave at home will behave correctly when given rules to follow at your house.

2. Stick to the current problem.
Don't try to raise other people's kids. Focus on the specific issue at hand. Find a solution to the problem only to the extent necessary to make things run smoothly where your children or your property is involved.

3. Don't stew and mumble.
It's easy to gripe and complain about a kid's behavior. It doesn't solve anything. Instead, avoid accusing or blaming. Simply state the problem and suggest solutions. Once you have a plan, calmly follow through.

4. Let them handle it.
Memorize this line, "They're not my kids." Allow the parents to deal with the misbehavior (or not deal with it, as the case may be). Step in only to protect your kids or your property.

5. Visit without the kids.
Do you enjoy the parents, but dread time spent with their kids? Arrange for more visits to occur when the kids are in school or otherwise occupied. Or meet at adult-oriented activities where the kids will need to be left home with a babysitter.

6. Pick your battles.
Ignore the petty stuff, focus on the important things, and be thankful your own children are well behaved.

Mini-Tip

Q: How can you stop kids from interrupting adult conversations?

A: Interrupting is a common problem, but one that is easily solved! Try using this solution:

Explain to your child that if she wants something when you're talking to another adult that she should walk up to you and gently squeeze your arm.

You will then squeeze her hand to let her know that you know she's there and that you'll be with her in a minute.

When you first implement this idea it's important that you respond quickly so that your child can see the success of this method. Over time you can wait longer. Just give a gentle squeeze every few minutes to remind your child that you remember her request.

What if your child "forgets" to use the squeeze and interrupts you? Pause, look your child in the eye, politely say, "I'm talking. I'll be with you shortly.' Then turn your face, body and attention away from your child. Do not engage her with repeated pleas to stop, nor should you answer her request

When she does remember the proper way to approach you it's important that you praise her for remembering to use her good manners.

© 2000National Parent Information Network

Credits: Elizabeth Pantley