Your children have reached the teen years and suddenly you are confronted with rebellious, uncooperative, unhappy young people where only yesterday joyful children lived. What did you do wrong, you wonder? What happened to these nice little children of yesterday? Who are these new, unpleasant people?

The truth of the matter is that some of your problems may have started when your kids were little. Chances are these behaviors were ignored because at that stage, they were so cute. The independence we see in small children is very exciting, but the accompanying strong will often is not so charming. We laugh at their antics as they exert their tiny wills upon us. We think it darling when they say the word 'no', and then we wonder why we have problems later.

In order to avoid some problems at the teen level, we must set the groundwork when our children are young. It is not cute any age when little children hurt their siblings, pets, or even mom. I've seen many parents make light of this situation, even giggling. But the lesson that it is wrong to inflict harm on others must begin as soon as a child has the ability to harm someone. Parents, who allow anything past innocent wrestling or rough housing, will regret it later.

Honesty is another trait to be hammered into a young child while they still will listen to you. The world teaches dishonesty pays and in order to counteract that message, you must start while they are toddlers. Even a cookie taken when you said no and lied about later is a chance to teach honesty. When a child tells a lie, there is usually no maliciousness intended, but it is still a lie. If they learn early that you expect the truth, they may be less likely to lie as teens. Of course, stealing is the same thing. The child that is disciplined for taking something that does not belong to them is better off than a child who grows up thinking he may have anything he can take.

The idea of caring about others before ourselves is another early lesson. Kids learn by example best, so if every time you can, you teach them to consider others, you will prepare an important base for teen behavior. Kids who recognize other people have feelings will treat people more respectfully. Children who learn to ask if something they do will harm others will grow up being considerate. Those who see their parents ask others how they are will be learning this is the right way to act toward other people. Parents, who suggest being quiet because someone is sleeping, will promote consideration for others.

Sharing is often a foreign concept to teens that can be very self-centered. Sharing begins when a toddler allows others to play with their toys without screaming. Sharing begins when mom gives each child the same amount of juice or divides up the Jell-O that is left between two or more even though everyone gets a small amount. This is the foundation for later, a time when a teen is not always the center of attraction and needs to share attention or time with others.

Everything from money-management, to organization can be taught at the toddler level. These are not formal lessons, just those things in life we do naturally. When a child sees the action that goes with a concept, he learns quickly. A good work ethic is a wonderful example. A child learns how to do a job correctly. When he does this job, a parent praises him for being good. Sometimes a kind word or two is all the pay, eventually as they get older some monetary or other reward accompanies a job well done. The child associates the need to work with what their parents do every day. A parent can show them they need to do specific things in order to make their lives better. This might be keeping their bodies, rooms, or houses clean. Kids of all ages pick up on this when shown consistently. A child must learn early that if they do not work, they do not eat. This is much easier to teach a three- year -old than a teenager.

Your religious values are best taught when young. I do believe every adult should choose their own beliefs, but children do not have that option. They must follow those things that the adults in their life teach. They can make choices when they are older and better informed. I believe no religion that teaches goodness, and is based on love can cause a child harm later in life.

Don't let 15 years of being lax in instilling certain values in your children be accepted. You cannot easily correct 15 years of the wrong type of parenting when a child suddenly becomes rebellious. The correct groundwork laid early will help parents avoid many problems later when their kids are no longer little children. If it is too late for your own kids try to influence those who have young ones. Tell them the importance of following in the path they wish their children to go. Their teen problems will be fewer and of the normal variety. Teen years may still be a challenge, but not a tragedy.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel