Ego development of the child at the time of the abuse. If the child has a firmly established concept of his or her sexual identity, the abuse will have less impact. Children who are abused by a same sex perpetrator often have deeply felt fears about whether this means they are homosexual. One way in which parents can help allay this fear is to explain that our bodies have many nerve endings. If these nerve endings are stimulated, they will react. For example, if a bright light hits your eyes, your first response will be to blink or to shade them from the light. A simple concept to use with children is that of tickling. If a child is ticklish, he or she will laugh when tickled. It does not matter whether the person tickling is male or female; the child is reacting to the experience.

If the perpetrator is of the opposite sex, questions of identity may also come into play. For example a boy who is abused by a woman and is not aroused, may doubt his masculinity. If he is aroused physically, but not emotionally, he may equally doubt his masculinity. The same identity issues for girls may hold true.

If the child has a positive self-concept, that is, if he or she feels valued at the time the abuse occurred, there will be fewer repercussions. In fact, children with good self-esteem are more likely to feel they can say no and/or tell someone about the abuse.

Do Boys Who Are Abused Have Special Issues?

Boys who are sexually abused face some additional problems because of persistent myths in our society. Males are rarely viewed as fitting the victim role. When boys get hurt, they are often told "act like a man," "don't be a sissy," "control your emotions." The message to boys is to stand on their own two feet and to take care of themselves. Under these circumstances, a male victim is less likely to tell and therefore cannot begin a healing process. This increases the chances that he may take on the role of the victimizer in an attempt to master his own experience.

A further complication for boys is that the media portray boys who have sexual experiences with older women as going through a "rite of passage" rather than as victims of sexual exploitation. Movies such as "Summer of '42" and "Get Out Your Handkerchiefs" are prime examples of this.

What About Juvenile Sex Offenders?

Some children who have been sexually abused go on to abuse other children. While this is a serious problem, the exact percentage of sexual abuse victims who become abusers is not known.

It is important to realize that these children are victims as well as offenders and need to receive counseling from qualified therapists who understand both aspects of the problem. The therapist must be able to be empathic and understanding of the "victim" but confrontational with the "victimizer."

Victimizers have triggers that precede their behavior. For example, a child may abuse another child when he or she finds him or herself in a vulnerable or stressful situation. Sometimes this is because he or she lacks control or power. This may be when the child gets called a name at school or believes he or she is being punished unfairly. The therapist must help the child to not only recognize his/her own individual triggers but also, to understand the consequences of acting out these impulses.

In other instances, past experiences have left the child overly sexually stimulated. The child needs education and suggestions of alternative positive behaviors to replace the sexually victimizing behavior.

© Rosemary Narimanian and Julie Marks

Credits: Child Welfare Information Gateway (http://www.childwelfare.gov)