Parents Are Essential to Growing Kids' Confidence

When Silvana Clark ran an after-school activity center for at-risk teens, she was surprised that the kids only wanted to participate in the one or two activities they already knew.

"I realized this was because very few of the kids had any outside experiences in anything but playing pool and foosball. They had no hobbies or interests. And they were scared to learn something new, although they would never admit that," Clark says.

Clark also found a lack of self-confidence in children who were only preschool-age. "Kids would say, 'I can't paint a picture,' or 'I can't climb the slide.' It became my goal to help these children feel confident in themselves and their abilities."

Although parents understand that self-confidence is the key to success, many may not know what they can do to enhance their children's self-esteem. Now a motivational speaker and author, Clark has written "Parent-Tested Ways to Grow Your Child's Self-Confidence" (Meadowbrook Press), which is full of activities that parents can do daily to help develop their children's self-esteem.

Clark established many of her methods while watching her own daughter, who was adopted from an abusive family at age eight, struggle to make friends, get good grades, and be happy. Clark and her husband worked to help their daughter gain social skills, academic skills, and self-assurance.

Clark offers easy, practical tips for children of all ages. For instance, she tells parents that self-confident children start with confident parents. "Adults need to be positive role models. Children need to see parents with a can-do attitude. They gain coping skills by hearing parents talk about trying something new and learning new skills."

Although Clark advocates praising children for small successes, she warns about too much praise. "If parents exclaim over every little thing their child does, the child will have an unrealistic picture of themselves. Pick out the positive points, or the aspects you know your child worked hard on. Children should be confident, not cocky or pompous."

Clark also advises parents to let their children make mistakes. "Parents often step in to make sure their child always succeeds. But children need to see natural consequences of their actions so they learn to make correct decisions. A child develops self-confidence from solving problems that are appropriate to their abilities."

The most important thing to remember is that self-confident children feel good about themselves because they have a realistic image of themselves. "These kids will know how to make choices, have an optimistic attitude, and be willing to try new things. That's a recipe for success at any age," Clark says.