Lately, it seems as if adoption professionals are experiencing an upsurge in the amount of clients who have decided that parenting is more difficult than they expected and that adoption is the resolution of choice. This trend is challenging to those of us in the adoption field. It seems as if more support and assistance for these parents, infants, and children is needed.

Parenting can be difficult and when it is, if the emotional resources are not there for the parent/s to draw upon, it can become seemingly impossible. Some factors that upset the emotional well-being of parent/s are:

- Loss of support from family and friends
- Financial hardship
- A change in life circumstances
- The loss of a job
- The death of a spouse
- The birth of another child
- Feelings of depression, anxiety or guilt
- Post-partum depression
- And more...

Sometimes life can seem overwhelming and it is then that your emotional resources are most needed. First you must determine if your feelings are related to depression and/or anxiety or if your real life situation is the cause of your decision. Sorting those issues out can be complex and frightening, but the best place to start is with your physician. On the Internet you can find tests to take for depression and anxiety. If that seems the place to start, then start there and take your results to your family doctor. Medication and/or therapy can work wonders and within a few months you may be back to your normal self and ready and willing to parent your children again. However, if your depression and/or anxiety symptoms are severe, you will need to talk this though with your physician and therapist before deciding to parent.

If, however, you recognize that within yourself the need to parent and/or raise your child/ren in a productive manner is missing or vanished, then it is time to consider adoption. When considering an agency and/or facilitator or attorney to assist you in your adoption plan, always ask and make sure they provide some type of counseling to make sure this is what you want to do. Make sure they assess your immediate needs and that of your baby or children. Make use of free support networks located on the Internet. Some of those places include:

- www.adoptionforums.com
- adoption.about.com/mpboards.htm
- forums.adoption.com/f30.html
- adoption.about.com/library/weekly/aa111599.htm

Most adoption plans require support from family or friends. It is hard to place your child/ren for adoption alone, yet, on occasion, that is exactly what happens, especially if you find yourself ill. It is not uncommon to see a birthmother decide to parent again if family pressure insists that s/he do so, only to have the bond broken once family support is withdrawn.

An adoption plan is best laid when your emotional hat is on straight, you know where you are going and you are sure what you are doing is best for your child. Make sure you have the counseling you need to make the right decision and try and garner as much emotional support as possible.

When choosing your adoption provider always get three sets of references and talk to as many birth mothers as possible to make sure your child/ren are placed in the best possible home. Adoption is sometimes a choice that is not made before or at the time of birth. Sometimes, adoption is a choice that is made after trying to parent and realizing that your will to parent is not always the right choice for your child.

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P, is an adoptive mother who is married with four children. She is the founder of Lifetime Adoption at www.LifetimeAdoption.com and A Lifetime Foundation at www.LifetimeFoundation.org. Caldwell is dedicated to the welfare of all birth mothers and adoptive families everywhere. Her new book AdoptingOnline.com is due out in November.

© 2003