With all our years of foster care and our work as para-professionals with street kids and families, the biggest parenting problem we encountered was a lack of consistency.

Parents with problem kids are often inconsistent in their approach to discipline. They are alternately ridden with guilt about severe and unjust punishment meted out and a desire to correct that situation and the over-zealous, newfound strength that allows them to clamp down on their wild offspring. Kids find this style of parenting impossible to understand because they never know what to expect. How do you please a parent who yesterday said one thing, but today recants? Parents who change their mind, their rules, and their discipline daily do their kids a great injustice.

In our foster home, if kids broke the rules, they knew what to expect for a consequence before they got home. They were aware of what each infraction of a rule meant. They could anticipate what the "grounding" would involve and for how long they would have the pleasure of our company. There were no surprises.

Kids would sometimes complain that we nagged them-what they meant was that they were tired of hearing the same thing over and over. The "spiel' never changed. It was always the same. They knew what we were going to say way before we said it. Our expectations never changed.

Never change rules or discipline abruptly.

If a change is needed, discuss it with your kids. Make sure they understand the change and its reason. Make sure you understand, too. Changing things constantly will only cause confusion. Once a new rule or consequence is decided upon, do not change it again.

If we want kids to be reliable, we must be. If we want to trust their word, they must be able to trust ours. If they see consistency, they will feel secure and safe. Isn't this what we really want for our kids?

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel