Positive Female Role Playing
Question:
My five-year-old daughter loves playing with her Barbie dolls. What worries me isn't the warped body image these dolls portray, but the story lines she acts out: a boy doll taking the girls into a forest and tying them up, with the girl eventually "rescued" by one of the boys. We have a pretty normal lifestyle--family dinners, bedtime stories, etc., and we try to pick movies for her with strong women in them, such as "Mulan" or "Anastasia." I can't imagine where she gets these Barbie story lines. How can I encourage her to play "strong women" games, not damsels in distress?
Answer:
Don't be too quick to jump to conclusions about the meaning of your daughter's play. First of all, no matter how hard we try to control what our children see, it's nearly impossible for children to remain completely naive about the kinds of images you describe. Stories of capture and rescue show up in cartoons, fairy tales, and on the news. Even when children are sheltered from this kind of media exposure, they may pick up these kinds of themes from the play of other children. As a five-year-old, your daughter probably is in childcare or school, where she sees and hears many things over which you have little or no control.
At age five, children often use their dolls and toys to act out their fantasies, fears and nightmares. In fact, this kind of play can help children master their fears and feel safer and more secure. Wherever your daughter has picked up these damsel-in-distress story themes, she may be using them to assure herself that someone will be there to keep her safe if she's ever threatened. I know, I know ... you'd like to see her acting out a story where the girl works her own way out of trouble or maybe even rescues the guy! But be patient, and those stories probably will come later.
For now, it sounds like you are doing just what I would advise: exposing your daughter to strong and caring images of both men and women. And, most important, you are giving her a close and stable family life with parents who care deeply about the values she develops.
Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
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