Potty Talk
Question: My preschool son is into potty talk, and it's driving me crazy. He is constantly making stupid jokes about going to the bathroom and thinks that words like "butt" and "poop" are hilarious. In public it's embarrassing and at home it just gets tiresome. Any ideas for putting an end to it?
Answer: Parents often long for their children to outgrow this stage. And, indeed, it is just a stage. Children this age have discovered and become very interested in their own bodies, and they are highly aware of all their parts. They have begun to learn that some parts are private, and that when they talk about those parts (or sometimes even display them), adults and older children may laugh or become embarrassed. Although preschool children have not quite learned to be embarrassed themselves, they are trying to figure out the rules and limits of what is acceptable to others. To determine what those limits are, they find all kinds of ways to test them. Also, as I'm sure you know, preschoolers' notions of humor are different from adults'. In a preschooler's mind, potty talk probably really is funny. Young children are not intellectually sophisticated enough to understand more subtle or complex humor. At any age, surprise--and even embarrassment--are typical elements of humor, and the preschooler finds both when he blurts out bathroom words in the middle of the grocery store!
Although most children eventually outgrow this type of humor, there are a few things that might ease your embarrassment and help your child move smoothly toward behavior that is more socially acceptable.
The first and simplest step is to avoid overreacting to his attempts at humor. If he doesn't get a reaction from you, potty talk will lose much of its appeal. If there are other adults or older children in your household, it will be important to get them to join you in this approach.
When out in public, set clear limits on what's not acceptable, and give him a reason. For example, you might say, firmly and matter-of-factly, "It's not OK to say those words at the store. People feel embarrassed and they don't like it."
Although you want your son to cut out the bathroom humor, it's important to balance those limits with a clear message that his body and its functions are nothing to be ashamed of. The best way to send that message is to answer any questions he has about his body in a straightforward way, using accurate names for body parts and letting him know, without embarrassment, that bodily functions are a natural part of everyone's life.
Finally, because humor is a fun and important part of life, help your son find other ways to be funny. (This follows a good general rule of child rearing: give a child a substitute for the behavior you want him to stop.) For example, making up silly words, rhyming or telling simple riddles or "knock-knock" jokes are fun for preschoolers. But watch out--once he gets a laugh with a new joke, he's likely to tell it over and over! It may be a step up from bathroom humor, but you still may find that preschool humor wears a bit thin.
Editor's note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. You may fax them to (612) 624-6369 or send them to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
