Potty Training
Question:
I'm trying to potty train my 2 1/2-year-old-son. He has used the toilet a few times, sometimes by surprise. He has woken up a few times dry and won't use the potty. Instead he waits for a diaper to be put on him. Recently, when he woke up dry, I told him I'd buy him a doughnut if he used the potty that day. He did! Am I about to set a bad precedent by bribing or rewarding him in this manner?
Answer:
I understand your concern about setting a precedent of bribery; it's not a good idea to raise children to expect a tangible reward every time they do what you want them to. However, there is a time and place for rewards, and potty training often is one of those.
As hard as it is for adults to imagine, there seems to be little natural incentive for young children to use the potty. Especially with today's super-absorbent disposable diapers, which leave children feeling dry and comfortable even after they've wet them, toddlers often see no good reason to use the toilet. Many toddlers are even a little bit fearful of using the potty, so diapers feel like a safe, familiar alternative. Add to that the fact that 2-year-olds are in a developmental stage in which they are trying to establish some arena of power and control. It's a time when they are reluctantly learning that adults control much of their life, so potty training often becomes the focus of a battle of wills.
With that in mind, I see no problem with using a special treat as a reward for your son's first few successful efforts to use the potty when he gets up in the morning. At the same time, give him a smile and a hug and tell him you're proud that he doesn't need diapers any more. Maybe even celebrate with a new package of big-boy underwear. Soon using the potty will be a habit, and the rewards won't be necessary.
But if your son does occasionally slip, as most children do, don't panic. Wet pants or an occasional wet bed are common when young children are still learning how to read their bodies' signals. If accidents happen, just be matter-of-fact, start the laundry, and move on. By keeping a positive focus and avoiding shame, you can keep potty-training from becoming an emotional battle ground.
Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.
