Putting it All Together - Family

For some of you, family is your greatest source of support. For others, family relationships are your greatest source of stress. As a teenager, you are likely becoming more independent and are starting, in some ways, to separate from your family. You are also realizing that your parents are human and actually make mistakes.

First, we all have to realize that no family is perfect. You may fight with your parents because you feel they are overprotective, indifferent, nosy, demanding, critical of your friends, or embarrassing, just to name a few issues. Life circumstances can also place stress on your family relationships, like having parents who both work full time, living in a single-parent home, having to form relationships with step-parents, coping with parents who fight a lot or who are getting divorced, having a parent who is ill, or having a parent who has lost a job. Some of you may also have troubled parents who are abusive, drink too much, take drugs, or have other problems.

If you feel like your family relationships are out of control, talk to an adult you trust, or a counselor in your community.

Promoting Healthy Family Relationships

* If you can, try sitting down and talking with your parent(s) about problems. Parents may not know how you feel and just may welcome the opportunity to find solutions with you.

* If you can't talk to a parent about things that are bothering you, look around in your life for an adult who can listen to you. Try another relative, a teacher or counselor, or a friend's mother. Don't blame yourself for what your parents do.

* Don't hurt yourself by acting out or acting in (eating disorder, depression) to numb the pain you feel because of family or other issues. Get help.

* If you find yourself repeating unhealthy family behaviors like drinking, or getting into abusive relationships, get support to help you stop and find new ways of coping. These kinds of behavior patterns can be really hard to break alone, so don't be afraid to ask for help. Try a guidance counselor, trusted teacher, health center, minister, or other adult in your community to help you get the help you need.

* If one of your jobs in your family has been to take care of everyone else, it's important to learn to take care of yourself and value what you need and want, too. That doesn't mean being selfish or forgetting about someone else; it means respecting and caring for yourself, too.

- Adapted from: Our Health, Our Futures: A Project By And For Adolescent Girls

Relationships with your brothers and sisters are also important. Hopefully, you feel close to your brothers and sisters. Many of you, however, may have to deal with constant bickering, jealousies, and other tensions with your siblings. Despite everything, your brothers and sisters are forever. They may well be there for you when friends are not. Getting along is a worthwhile goal.

Here are a few tips for dealing with common sibling rivalries:

* If you and your sister constantly fight, realize you'd both be happier if you called a truce and said, "Let's stop fighting." See her point of view, praise her instead of insulting her, put her favorite candy on her desk.

* If you're jealous of your brother, tell him. Maybe he envies or admires qualities in you and feels insecure sometimes too.

* If you think your parents favor your sister, speak up and use "I" not "You" statements like "I feel invisible." Also, ask yourself why your sister is getting more attention right now - is she sick, is her wedding next month?

* If your parents favor you, why not be generous and compliment your sibling directly, too. Why encourage competition and jealousy?

* If your sister is Ms. Amazing, stop trying to compete and focus on what is amazing about you.

- Adapted from Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You