As awesome as a new relationship can be, it can become overwhelming for some people. You're probably realizing why after seeing how many things you need to think about to keep a relationship healthy.

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner. If you feel your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you, or if the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it may be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you.

Also, as much as you might hate to hear it, sometimes teens just aren't ready for intense relationships. Some teens are still so focused on their own new feelings that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder - you're still growing and changing every day, and it can be tough to put two people together whose identities are both still in the process of forming. You two might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change pretty quickly, and if you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you.

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some teens have grown up in homes with parents who fight a lot or even abuse each other - emotionally and/or physically. Being exposed to this kind of behavior can make it seem normal or OK (it's not!) to a teen who's always lived with it. Because we learn so much from watching and imitating those close to us, a teen who's lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect kindness and respect from others.

But this is a requirement for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before they are ready for a relationship. Meanwhile, even though you might feel sad for someone who's been mistreated, it's not healthy for you to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: September 2002