Compilation of Responses

Gail's Question:

Hi, I am not sure this is the right category, but I will start here. My husband and I have eight adopted children living at home. Our home is paid for as are our vehicles etc. We have a large house with several empty bedrooms, 5 acres of land, and everything we need for more children which we dearly would like to be a family for. The problem is that eight is the maximum that human services will allow in one family. We don't have the capital to put into international adoptions or private agency adoptions. We are stymied on how to find ways to adopt more children. We feel we have so much to give and yearn to do so. Anybody have any ideas? - Gail

Responses

I just wanted to respond to Gail about adopting more children. I am very impressed she and her husband are able to care for eight children. I cannot even imagine the amount of love, work, time and scheduling that goes into running a household with 10 souls. She and her husband must be true saints!! What I cannot help but think of is the future educational costs of college for eight children. We live in a world that most persons will need at least a college education to be able to earn a living to support a family. Even if all eight children attend public educational institutions, the cost of higher education is something she and her husband should be saving for right now. I realize that there are some monies available for scholarships both academic and sports related. However, often although many have prior savings, most families will have to borrow to put their children through college. We have only one left to educate who is attending a private university where costs of books, tuition, meals etc, are running us almost $40K per year. Beyond the expense of college for the children, we paid for the wedding and reception for my daughter and helped both married children with extras for grandchildren such as extra lessons, sports camps and are putting away money for six grandchildren for their college educations. Just food for thought from a highly leveraged parent of a college freshman and grandmother of six.



Gail- Although there is no law about how many children you can adopt through social services where I live, I was basically turned away when I had just 4 children because they believed I couldn't handle more as a single parent.

If you have a copy of your homestudy that is up to date, you can send it to any county in any state and adopt using the Interstate Compact. You can also pay for a private/independent agency to do your homestudy and have that money reimbursed as part of your "expenses" when the adoption is finalized (usually about $2,000 in expenses is reimbursed). That's what I ended up doing. I looked at the photo listings on the internet, saw children I was interested in and sent my homestudy to the worker for those children in whatever county they were in. As I had been warned, it is an uphill battle to do it on your own that way, and for every 100 homestudies you send out, you will probably only receive one response, but it only takes one that works.

Once you find a social worker that believes in you, they might be willing to place (or push you to take!) more than one child through them. I don't know how old your 8 children are, but if they aren't adolescents yet, you might consider waiting a while before adopting more kids. I really thought I could handle dozens of kids until they started reaching adolescence. Even kids without special needs can be very difficult as teens, but those with difficult histories (especially girls whose mothers had them as young teens) can be extremely difficult and have tons of needs when they reach adolescence. Good luck! - Sally



This is in response to the family that has 8 adopted children at home and wants more. Maybe you need to concentrate on the eight you have. Over the years I've known couples who adopt lots of kids but wind up with serious problems. It takes a lot of energy to raise eight children. Eight adopted children take even more stamina and dedication. They need their parents to really know them since they have so much that is missing from their pasts.

Love your kids. Love each other. Be happy with what you have. Don't try to save the world. Life is much too short for that. - Janice Cecotti



You know, I've watched shows on adoption and stories where a couple starts with one kid, and then has a ton of adopted children. I've always felt somewhat weirded out.. I think I figured out why. It seems some people collect - cars, longaberger baskets, cats, baseball cards etc. But somewhere in my Buddhist nature, I would like to ask you 'why' do you feel the need to adopt another child? Perhaps you could say there are so many needy souls out there who need a home. But could it be because of the satisfaction you get of saving the unwanted child? Look deep inside yourself to ask 'why' you really want more children. Are you collecting them as an addicted collector keeps buying a material item to try and feel more satisfied? You said yourself that you 'yearn'. I think you should focus on the 8 kids you have. Aren't you concerned that they don't get enough of your individual attention? Also, if you don't have enough capital to adopt internationally, how do you have enough money for 8 college tuitions (let alone a single high school student's cost to go on a band trip or buy a pair of track shoes etc - times 8)? I would focus and be thankful for what you have, and don't feel guilty for not being able to adopt more children. You are doing a wonderful thing taking care of the 8 you have. If you have so much to give- give it to those who need you and focus on the special moments you have with them.

Sincerely, a person who was adopted.



Gail,

Don't be so sure you cannot afford international adoption. There are a number of countries which all have different requirements and costs, as do the different agencies. There is also a tax credit of up to $10,000.00 which will help with the cost. Search the internet for information on who needs to travel, how many trips, length of stay, etc. Then search for agencies that work in the country you chose. There is information on the net about loans and grants for adoptions.

Look into international adoption more before you dismiss it. Good luck - Cat



To Gail: You might try this website: ukranianangels.org. It's a mom who has adopted five children, three independently from the Ukraine. It's a total of about $10,000 - a lot less than most adoptions, and with the new adoption tax credit, it would be basically free. It's worth a try I guess. - Lisa B

© 2004