This article, while quite accurate and informative as far as it goes, does not address the issue that, in my opinion, is most important in connection with adopted children: the infant's separation at birth from the only person from whom he or she derived complete security and on whom he or she felt totally dependent.

How can such a separation NOT cause a profound trauma that, sometimes, results in Attachment Disorder? A.D. is a failure of trust that life and people are reliable and will meet the child's needs. Some children who have suffered through such a traumatic separation from their mother subconsciously decide that NOBODY is to be trusted. To them, love and dependency equal pain. To avoid pain, they avoid love.

There is plenty of evidence now that babies know, at birth, who is and who is not their mother. They know that she is gone and has been replaced by a stranger. Caring adoptive parents need to squarely face the fact that their adopted child is missing his or her mother, plain and simple, and is having trouble trusting that you, the adoptive parent, will not also disappear.

This, unfortunately, is part and parcel of adoption. Your child is a traumatized human being whose basic sense of trust has been shattered. Much time and effort may be required to overcome this trauma.

Josee Larose
Reunited mother
Founding director of the Canadian Council of Natural Mothers
http://www.nebula.on.ca/canbmothers/index.htm

© 2003