1. Be adoption literate-read adoption books, attend pre-adoption classes, seminars workshops, support groups, and know state laws about adoption procedures. Confront fears about open adoption and make sure clients know why the switch from closed to open is taking place worldwide.

2. Hire qualified adoption professionals-agency, lawyer, facilitator, and birth mother counselor. Ask for references for each_ Know what is expected of each. Be wary of come-ons from professionals who are "rolling in birth mothers° and will "guarantee" a baby within a short amount of time for non-refundable money up front. No one involved in adoption has enough babies to give out like candy.

3. Verify pregnancy and due date of the potential birth mother. Ask that a release of medical records be signed to you and your working professionals.

4. Talk to the birth mother's doctor's office personally to assess her health and general care. Find out if she has missed appointments or not. If possible, when meeting the birth mother go to a prenatal appointment with her. Your facilitator may suggest AIDS testing and drug screening. Defer costs as much as possible for all medical bills.

5. Seek out the birth father early in the relationship and ask clients to get to know him. If he is young, find out if his family would like to raise the baby. Although it makes great newspaper reading, few birth fathers oppose adoption planning.

6. Look for a birth mother who has accountability and does a "volley" with you. One who needs money "yesterday" may not be for real. One who is willing to do counseling may be more serious about placing than someone who refuses counseling.

7. Ask about other pertinent family members and their feelings about this plan. A birth mother's mother who opposes adoption is a major red flag. She can and will stop the adoption at the hospital.

8. Meet the birth mother-to-be and the birth father months prior to the birth of the baby. Spending time with her and her family will ease her anxieties and yours.

9. Be willing to set firm "limits and boundaries" over various issues. Operate from a position of strength and be willing to "let go" if need be. Know that another lead will be forthcoming. A committed birth parent will not move away from adoption planning over a disagreement.

10. If money is involved for birth parent support, have the trusted adoption professionals handle this in a special account. All costs should go directly to the vendor directly such as the landlord where rent is paid. Make sure state legal guidelines are observed and that agreements between you and the birth mother are honored.'" A birth parent who is not serious about adoption or who is a major drug user will think nothing of insisting upon more money from you, the adoptive couple. They have few boundaries.

11. Check into other states about out of state adoptions. Not all states are user-friendly. An experienced adoption professional will be able to help with alternatives, which may save money and avoid foster care for the baby. "Creativity" and "empowerment" is very much a part of adoption planning.

12. Recognize there are some emotional risks and financial risks in adoption. Leave infertility baggage with your negativity. If you are well versed and "proactive" you are less likely to become a "victim" in this process. If there is ambivalence about this journey seek professional counseling so as not to "sabotage" the adoption. Take your integrity with you on this journey. It can be one which is filled with growth, intimacy, and magic. Be positive and hopeful. The largest family in my service just adopted their eleventh infant. Persistence, problem solving skills, and faith are important. Nurture yourselves and your relationship during the journey.

***In the Baby Jessica case the adoptive family did not have a Michigan home study in place when in Iowa. They were not registered with a Michigan adoption agency. They presented paperwork for final sign off to their birth mother when the baby was just 42 hours old and did not observe the law which stated no sign off until at least 72 hours. They did not wait the normal 96 hours for a court hearing following the 72. Instead they quickly left the state. The birth mother was not offered any counseling. When asked to return Baby Jessica according to law at one week of age by legal counsel, they refused. Yes, the birth mother did name the wrong birth father in the beginning. By the end of the first week she had named the correct father and had all paperwork in place to reclaim her baby girl according to Iowa law. The Adoptive family then kept this adoption in the court system for the next two years crying about their plight. Without exception Michigan adoption professionals and Iowa professionals advised them to return Jessica promptly. The Illegal sign off was not reported in the newspapers.

The one-hour tape of this workshop which features Ellen and two other professionals speaking to a Hue audience can be purchased for $18.88 plus 1.58 shipping and handling.

Credits: Ellen A. Roseman