Part Two

One of the hardest lessons to teach our teens is relationship skills, but luckily they are the easiest to show by example. Good relationships are learned at home in families that respect each other, and in loving families, getting along with others is natural. Children see adults make decisions and work out differences. They learn to give and take. They see adults take criticism with grace and good humor. Bad or good, children will imitate, like sponges they absorb everything. So deal with relationships in your lives, as you would have your children do. When your family serves as a good example of how to get along, you can easily tackle the problem your child encounters when victimized by callous people outside the safety of the family.

Friendships

Teach kids what it means to be a good friend. Introduce them to your friends. Tell kids why these people are good friends, and what you like about how they treat their friends. Talk to an older child about desirable traits in a good mate. Hopefully, he will see those very things in both parents. This talk is helpful if done early enough.

When a friend, a date or a mate is chosen, bite your tongue rather than criticize. Don't forbid relationships. Advise and gently guide, then back off. The unwritten law says the attraction for the person they've chosen will be in direct proportion to the degree to which you disapprove. I'm not saying let your child ruin his life while you stand idly by, but give him a fair chance to discover for himself what kind of a person he has chosen. If you scream, shout, forbid and interfere, it won't matter and the parent will always lose. Eventually, with help and guidance, your child will develop a more discerning eye.

Sexual Responsibility

Since sex has become just another social activity like going to the movies or going skating, problems have developed with our teens and sexual responsibility.

Although parents and others advise teens to abstain from sex, they are not receiving the message. We should continue to deliver that message with another one: "Sexual activity means sexual responsibility."

Sexual responsibility means avoiding sex for kicks. Sex should be preceded by love. Often, teens we worked with didn't even know their partner's names. Teach your teen that meaningless sex is rarely satisfying and leaves a person with emptiness and guilt, at the minimum.

Teens need to know that when choosing to engage in sex they fall prey to real problems. These problems could be physical, financial, or emotional. Pregnancy, AIDS, and other sexually transmitted diseases are among physical problems they could encounter. Sensitive teens are unprepared for the emotional damage following casual sex. Unplanned pregnancies cause financial burdens, and most teens don't realize they could be giving up 18 years of their life, in enforced adulthood.

The mixture of sex and chemicals sometimes results in rape. Teens still don't understand that "no means no" regardless of what stage sex has reached. What should be an expression of love turns into a tragedy. Drugs also cloud your mind. Kids are more likely to use poor judgment when their inhibitions are lessened.

Birth control has been over preached and is getting few results. Teens believe they are immune to this practice. A different approach may be to stress using contraceptives is the mature, sophisticated way to act.

Responsibility is being committed to your partner. If carelessness results in the birth of a child, both partners must be committed to that child also. Both parents must be responsible for its physical, emotional and financial needs.

Sexual activity starts earlier and earlier. Teach this to your children while they're young, before it's too late. The biology lesson all parents hate to give accompanied by a lesson on emotions and love will produce more responsible adults. Recently, I heard of a 9-year-old girl in a childbirth class. Don't wait too long to talk with your kids.

© Copyright 1999

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel