Respite for Foster Parents

When you become a parent, you have a period of time, usually several months to a couple of years, where you are obsessed with parenthood. After that, things mellow out a bit and you feel more comfortable with the fact that you can release those babies into the care of others for a short time. Babysitters, daycare, and family members are brought into play. This is not as common with foster kids.

Family members may tell you how wonderful what you're doing is, but seldom offer to supervise your foster kids. Requests to baby-sit them are heard infrequently. Even offering to spell you a few hours so you can get away never happens. Foster parents must often deal with tougher kids for more hours a day with less breaks.

Foster kids are almost always troubled kids. They are often children with a variety of learning disorders, behavioral problems, and health issues. We see many with disabilities and many with emotional problems that mean regular care is just not enough. This situation is wearing for most folks and can result in early burnout.

Respite, the scheduled breaks given to foster parents, never comes often enough and sometimes is delayed for weeks. This is a dangerous situation if you want your foster parents to be effective.

We had a way of trading help in one agency I worked for, where foster parents would help one another when they needed to be away. This worked great for most foster parents. We had teen boys, mainly, the last chance ones. The group would be offering help to one another, when I would request help. The answer- anyone, but your boys was replied. I had tough kids, but still needed to get away for personal things occasionally. This made it difficult.

If other foster parents are in this same boat or get too few respite times off, you need to bring this matter to your county or agency. Everyone needs adequate breaks to remain fresh enough to function and do this most difficult job.

When counties or agencies hire respite workers for the foster parents who just come in and take over that is one way of handling this problem. Some parents find this intrusive in their own homes and others would like to be able relax in their own home without the extra children. Of course a lot of this depends on how you view your foster children. If this is family to you, this problem may be a moot point. You wish them to be with you at all times. You do not need a break from them because for all intents and purposes they are yours. But, some kids in a home of many foster kids may not fit this description.

I have worked in homes where the foster parents left, and the respite workers came in. I also have been involved where kids were taken to a respite workers home. Either way has some problems, so I guess it is a matter of preference.

The main point is to receive the opportunity to take respite. When you are given the opportunity to get a break, take it. Some folks I knew almost never took the respite, which was very unhealthy. If, however, you must pay to go to a hotel or other place to get away, then money becomes an issue. Agencies or counties should supply a fee for respite so it doesn't come out of the foster parent's pocket. We knew one agency that provided a place to use, which eliminated that problem.

Whatever the plan, there must be respite for parents who do such a challenging, difficult job. Coming to each other's rescue is a wonderful plan, if all can participate.

Remember that foster parents find their own best friends among their ranks and should all help one another. If you can spell each other for much needed break, that is the easiest solution. But houses with several kids can have numbers double when that happens and not be able to provide adequate coverage.

Choosing respite when kids are ion home visits sounds ideal, except they never all go on home visits at the same time. This is also a good plan if that could be arranged, but that is a long shot.

Foster parents need respite, ask for it, and find ways to get it, and use it. Foster parents- you deserve it.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel