Why is it that suddenly lines seem so muddled when deciding the right or wrong of some issues? I'm not speaking of those major ones, most of us know which side of the fence we are on when it comes to abortion, capital punishment, or equal rights. I'm talking of those smaller ones that could someday become major. These are the ones, not so clear-cut, not so easily determined. For example, let's take the situation at a small town school where the parents are not only encouraged, but also expected to participate in their children's large school projects.

Years ago, no one had to tell parents to participate, they did what they could. A school did not tell a parent they must spend such and such an amount of time reading to their kids. The school would not have dared to cross that line. Now, schools do this and more. I understand both sides of this particular problem and side with both which prompted me to write this column.

As a parent, I resent any school, organization, or government interfering with the raising of my own child. I feel insulted when someone whose business it is not, demands I do certain things for the good of my child. This implies I'm not intelligent, caring, or capable. It infers the parent knows the child less than others. It assumes that my children will be neglected or damaged if I do not follow the schools edicts. I feel they crossed the line. They have traveled past the boundaries of demarcation of their territory and now have ventured into my own family area.

From the schools point of view, I can understand their concern. There are kids who enter kindergarten without ever having seen a book, or being able to use a crayon. This is a travesty. There are parents around, I know since Dan and I worked with some, who haven't the foggiest idea how to care for their children, much less assist in their education. The school takes over this role, the part the parent should rightfully do. I resent that, but understand the need for it. What upsets me most is when the school takes this to the next level and generalizing, lumps all parents into the same group. The assumption then becomes; we must save the kids by telling parents how to parent along with preparing them for school experiences. They go further when they demand that parents must have a certain percentage of participation in the actual school project. In some cases, kids without parental participation, will automatically get a lower score on the finished project. This seems unfair. The child sees that the parent's work is valued more than his own is. Would it not be better to highly value the child's poor efforts, which he did on his own, to those better efforts, which were done primarily by the parent?

Another consideration must be the fact that some parents simply have more time to help than others must. There are the parents who must work long or non- traditional hours. They are too busy to do the extra work the school assigns them. Then there are those who have many children. If the extra work the school assigns to a parent per week were 4 hours per child, the mother of 6 would have quite a challenge. As I said, I see both sides. I understand today's problems when it comes to parenting, but where do we draw the line? It is muddled. I'd be interested in where you stand on this issue. What do you think? Please send me your comments.

© Copyright 1999

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel