I saw "Secrets and Lies" when it first came out (1995, nominated for five Oscars including Best Picture) which was before I was even considering adoption. I have admired this movie and now, after my second viewing, I wonder if it helped me
consider adoption. The strong British accents were difficult at first and the introduction to all the characters took some time but once I got comfortable, I was surprised to discover a unique story found in a top-rated film. "Secrets and Lies" grapples with closed adoptions, birth family reunions, the pain of infertility, the
reality of racism, and, finally, the consequences of family secrets and lies. I would highly recommend this movie to all families but it is not intended for children.

The story evolves out of the death of an adoptive mother and the decision by her adopted daughter (Hortense) to search for her birth mother (Cynthia). We are introduced to the closed adoption system in Great Britain that has recently allowed records opened. Hortense wants to meet her birth mother and is encouraged to seek her out by a helpful social worker. I thought this was all the movie would involve but in the midst of this "search," we are also meeting not only the birth mother but her family. Cynthia has a daughter (Roxanne) living with her, a brother (Maurice) and his wife (Monica). Cynthia and her daughter Roxanne have a stormy relationship.
Maurice is a successful photographer while his wife has a tense relationship with Cynthia. The story reveals a complicated family dominated by control - and secrets and lies. But those secrets begin to unravel when Hortense finally makes the phone call to her birth mother, Cynthia.

If I tell much more, the "secrets and lies" surprise element will be ruined. But I can tell you that the reunion scenes between Cynthia and Roxanne are gripping and touching while Cynthia and Roxanne's struggles with loneliness and fear are realistically portrayed. My favorite moment, though, is the ending when the brother Maurice proclaims after telling a family secret "There - I said it - so where's the bolt of lightning?" Unfortunately, we are given little insight into the adoptive parents. This bothered me during my "post-adoption" viewing because, of course, I am now an adoptive mother. I was hurt by the adopted daughter's proclamation "I liked my mother as a person but I didn't know her." Hortense knew she had been adopted but her parents did not talk about it. Hortense is the strongest member of this family because, as Maurice proclaims in the final scene, "I admire you. You were prepared to suffer the consequences of going after the truth." Hortense is a strong,
admirable character and perhaps most of this came from her adoptive family. Too bad we do not get to know them. Does anyone know of a recent movie that portrays a positive pair of adoptive parents? Sorry, Disney's "Tarzan" does not count since only the adoptive mother was positive. That aside, this is still a powerful movie about the pain of family "secrets and lies." I highly recommend renting and discussing it with your own family.

Barbara K. Baker is the proud mother of three-year-old Carl. She is the co-chair of Cincinnati's Celebrate Adoption group, whose newsletter this review first appeared. Barbara has her own marketing and publishing consulting company, Kolbe Market Consultants.

Credits: Barbara K. Baker