Single Parent By Choice

The day Susan Hoechstetter returned from Guatemala with their adopted infant daughter, her first mailing from AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) had arrived. Hoechstetter, a "single parent by choice," is 50.

It was February 1999, and she named her 3 1/2-month-old baby Kalia, which means inclusion in modern Hebrew, explains Hoechstetter. The baby's middle name is Maya, "after the Mayan (Indian) people who flourished in what is today Guatemala.

Kalia Maya's name serves as a fitting metaphor for how Hoechstetter is raising her daughter, now 15 months old. "She's being brought up Jewish, but I want her Guatemalan heritage to be out there," explains Hoechstetter. "I want my family and friends, everyone, to not only be aware of her heritage, but be supportive of her keeping in touch with that. It's part of who she is, and I don't want her waking up as the age of 15 and saying 'I haven't had the opportunity to know this part of me'."

Hoechstetter works for the Alliance for Justice, a coalition of advocacy groups, and ANSWER, a network of social work, education, research, and practice organizations. She is also an active participant in Fabrangen, an independent Jewish worship, study and celebration Chavurah in the District. "I have started Shabbat dinners with her and lighting candles," Hoeschstetter says. "I very clearly want her to enjoy her Jewish heritage, and I see no conflict between her two heritages. They are all a part of her."

As a single woman, Hoechstetter thought seriously for several years about the responsibilities of parenting. "I asked myself whether it was fair to raise a child without a partner, and then I thought of all the other things I could give her - the love, time, and guidance - and the friends and family I have that would want to be to be closely involved in her life."

Hoechstetter also decided rather than having a biological child through assisted reproduction techniques, she would adopt "because there were so many children in the world who needed good homes," she explains.

During Kalia's immersion in the mikvah at Adas Israel Congregation in the District for her conversion to Judaism, her daughter's beauty and dark Central American features, as well as the Chinese and Russian characteristics of the other two international adoptees undergoing the conversion ceremony struck Hoechstetter. "I said to myself, 'This is the new face of the Jewish community.' What is important for the Jewish community to see is the child's relationship to Judaism and not the color. If we, the Jewish people, can't overcome racial and ethnic discrimination, then who can? And we've got to."

Credits: Merry Madway Eisenstadt