I run across many birth mothers of my generation who are anti-adoption. This saddens me. Granted I was not treated fairly and neither were many of them. It took me many years to realize that my daughter's relinquishment was more than likely, in her best interest. That was hard to type though even now.

Personally I see the great need for adoption, it just needs to be done right. Birth mothers need to receive adequate counseling prior and post adoption. I recognize there are 2 basic reasons for adoptions. These being ones where the birth mother is in complete agreement to the situation, and those where the State, or someone else, has had to terminate rights.

Do I agree with open adoptions? Yes, to an extent, in that the amount of contact has to be what is right for the child. No child should have to feel different from their peers, and be real, how many kids have a mother and a birth mother to explain to their friends? For example, my oldest granddaughter dubbed me "Big Mama." That was all she called me until she started school. A few weeks into kindergarten she came home one day upset and asked to call me 'grandma' because no one else had a Big Mama and kids had teased her. Of course I agreed.

I am not saying a letter a month and a picture the first year is all that is needed. The relationship between both sets of parents needs to be forever. Just keep it simple for the child. Even simple things like a shared photograph via the agency would have pacified me though and possibly kept me from the PTSD I suffer from. Things were so hush-hush though back then and often our children had been placed so close to us that the agencies may well have feared we would recognize them even from nameless pictures.

One of my dreams for years is to be a counselor for prospective birth mothers. I think many agencies would fear me, due to my circumstances and often public acknowledgments of my past. However, I think I would be great at it.

I see too many kids raising kids, as they say. Where adoption used to be expected it seems that nowadays the public condemns ladies who voluntarily choose adoption as their option. My youngest daughter was dogging a classmate once for allowing her baby to be adopted. Boy did I tell her a thing or two about braveness and love. It's funny how society has done a tailspin.

© 2003