How hard is it to adopt a Jewish child? Will my child really be Jewish? How do I raise a converted child to feel part of my Jewish heritage? These are questions many Jewish parents face when they adopt a child.

In Rhode lsland, Jewish adoptive families can turn to the Stars of David to meet families with similar questions and discuss the unique issues they face raising their children.

"It's a support group," said Roberta Schneider, who founded the Rhode Island chapter four years ago, "But we don't do anything too heavy, it's mostly social so that kids can meet other kids, and the parents can get together and talk."

Founded in Massachusetts in 1984 by two Jewish adoptive mothers, the Stars of David is a grassroots, non-profit information and support network for Jewish and partly Jewish adoptive families. Through Stars of David's network of chapters, Jewish adoptive families across the country can share valuable ideas and information.

Schneider got involved with the organization through a workshop she attended more than nine years ago before she adopted her first child. "I had a lot of questions about how my being Jewish would affect my chances of adopting. Would it matter? Could I adopt a Jewish baby? Would my child be Jewish? They were discussing all these issues."

Although there was no Stars of David chapter in Rhode Island at the time, Schneider got on the mailing list, which she found to be a great help when she adopted her first child. "Just having a newsletter with other people like us going through similar experiences was very important to me."

Four years ago she decided to start a chapter in Rhode Island. "I looked at a newsletter. listing all the members in the state and we were one of two families on the mailing list, and I knew there was no way that there were only two Jewish adoptive families in the state of Rhode Island," said Schneider. Figuring that other families probably didn't know about Stars of David, she looked into starting a new chapter.

With the help of Jewish Family Service, Schneider was able to get the new chapter started. According to Julie Gutterman, director of Professional Services at Jewish Family Service, the volunteer organization operates independently of JFS, but does receive assistance with publicity and mailings. "They've brought in interesting speakers and run a lot of fun social events. We share a lot of the same goals and refer our clients to them when appropriate," said Gutterman.

Schneider said that after four years they now have a core group of about 20 families. Group social activities include a Chanukah party at the Jewish Community Center and a Shabbat barbecue in the spring where they light candles outdoors, say the kiddish, and discuss the different Shabbat traditions that each family observes. There are also evening discussion sessions where featured speakers address different adoption-related topics. But the most important element seems to be the sharing of ideas that shows each family that they are not going through the adoption experience alone.

"For me there were a lot of religious questions about being Jewish and adopting a child. Such as, will my child really will be considered Jewish if they were converted? How many Jewish children have been adopted? Sometimes the rabbis don't always answer all your questions the way you need them to be answered, and it's nice to have other people you can turn to for help with those questions," said Schneider.

Because the chapter is young, most of the children in it are young. Schneider's oldest daughter, Lindsay, 10, is one of the oldest in the group. "It's amazing to watch the children grow and to have new people come in the group. Soon we'll need to think about what issues we'll face as the kids grow into adolescence and adulthood."

To gain some insight on the coming years, the local Stars of David chapter brought in a panel of college-age Jewish adoptees and asked them questions on how they felt about growing up as converted Jews. Schneider said that she was surprised that they all overwhelmingly felt that they really were Jewish. "In fact the research shows that if you make the kids feel connected to Judaism and bring them up with a positive experience, then most will feel Jewish, regardless of whether they were converted or born Jewish," said Schneider.

The conversion process for an adopted child is actually quite simple, explained Schneider who now has three children, all of whom were adopted. Jewish law requires that the child be formally converted to Judaism through submersion- in a mikvah. "It's very fast, a few prayers are said." The timing and nature of the conversion varies under different Jewish traditions. Some chose to go to the mikvah when the child is an infant, others wait until the child is old enough to understand the ritual and child is asked whether they want to be Jewish. There is also a bris for infant boys and naming ceremony for both boys and girls.

Despite the seemingly straightforward process, Jewish adoptive parents often have many questions about conversion, which is one of the main reasons that Schneider got involved in Stars of David." I felt that adopting a child that wasn't Jewish and going through the conversion process was a huge issue so I wanted to speak to other adopted parents who had been through" this," said Schneider.

"I needed to know what it actually meant. If I go to synagogue with my child and people know she's adopted, would my temple feel she is less Jewish than somebody who was born Jewish? I really had those questions. My Judaism is important to me and I wanted us to feel that our family was the same [as others]. I wanted that normalcy."

For many adoptive families, practicing the Jewish rituals is most important for creating that sense of normalcy. Lighting candles on Friday night is such a part of the Schneider's lives that little Sarah, their energetic toddler about to turn 2, raced inside to get a yarmulke when they were lighting a citronella candle in the porch recently. "She closed her eyes and made arm motions to bring in the Sabbath," said Schneider. "It shows how they're never too young to be exposed to Judaism. It's the traditions that are important."

Although there is less of a stigma now surrounding adoption, some parents are still concerned that their kids will be treated differently. "There's still that fear that someone might think your family is different, but the more you educate people and talk about it, they'll realize that you're no different than anybody else," Schneider. Stars of David helps strengthen that fabric of their [the children's] identity; it helps them to feel really good about who they are."

Credits: Sara Wise