A large number of our calls are from people just starting to think about adoption, and we're the first place they called. They want to know where to start! What we suggest for anyone thinking about adoption is:

1) First, go to your local bookstore or library and read! There are dozens, no, hundreds of books on adoption - on how to adopt, what it feels like to adopt, what it's like to be adopted, what it feels like to make an adoption plan for your child, etc. They may not all agree on everything, but the more information and ideas you have, the better.

2) Find out about local support groups. There you'll find people who have adopted, other people who are thinking about adoption. You 1 get more insight into your options and w at adoption is really all about.

3) Go to conferences. There are local, regional and national conferences. Your local adoption support group might know of some; so should Your local county adoption service; if not, you can contact NACAC at 1-80470-6665 or Adoptive Families of America at 1-800-372-3300.

4) Think about what kind of adoption is right for you - infant or older child, domestic or foreign; are you o Ten to any special needs? Be sure you read lots of books and discuss your options with people who heave tried all kinds before you make a decision. Be realistic. We've often had a couple in their 40's tell us that they'd consider a child with special needs for their second child, but for their first they want a healthy newborn That could well mean getting no child. Certainly birth parents can't choose to get a healthy child for their first and then later they are open to a child with special needs! Furthermore, of course, no child comes with a guarantee, even your birth child, so people adopting a child with someone else's genes better be prepared for some surprises!

5) Talk to every adoption resource listed in your local yellow pages. They all have different requirements, get different kinds of kids, etc. Remember that when they make generalizations like "You can't adopt if your combined ages are over 82.6 years", they are only talking about their agency's rules - there are few or no local, state or Federal laws about who can or cannot adopt (unless you are a convicted criminal). Check into whether, in your state, you can use an attorney, a licensed social worker or an agency for your home study. Each state has different regulations. Your county Department of Social Services (Your Human Services, or Youth & Family Services, or Child Protection Services, as it may be called) can probably tell you what is legal in your state. If they don't know (or the receptionist won't put you through to the people who know) you can try finding out from NACAC at 1-800-470-6665 or AFA at 1-800-372-330, from the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse at 1-888-251-0075 or from-the National Adoption Center at (215) 735-9988.

6) Tell everyone you know that you are interested in adoption. We get concerned when people call us and tell us that they don't want anyone to know that they are looking into adoption. It is not a shameful proceeding! If you think it is, you shouldn't be adopting, because how, in your subconscious, will you feel about your child you think that the way you got him/her is less than perfectly normal. Then more people who know you are seeking to adopt, the greater your chances of hearing about an available child. You never know where your next child will come from. So tell everyone you can.

7) If it's meant to be, it will happen. Good luck!

© Jewish Children's Adoption Network