What Is It And How Does It work?

Here is the scenario, you were abused and battered. Your spouse beat you often, emotionally and physically. After a period of time you get away, are granted a divorce and then you can begin the healing process. However, you have a child or children with this person and the court has ordered visitation. What now? Well, the answer is supervised visitation.

The supervised visitation program
Where domestic violence or other abuse is present, it may be required in order to reduce trauma to the child or former spouse that a structured program for visitation be attended rather than sole visitation. To allow the abusive parent to establish a more structured relationship with the child or children yet reduce the stress, a court may order visitation in such an environment. Most states have such programs in place. However, most of these programs are not accessible except through a court order.

Typically, a time for visitation is arranged through the supervised visitation that complies with the court order. Arrival times are usually staggered so both parents and the children do not arrive at the same time. Upon arrival, the non-custodial parent is placed in a room with a counselor, or another trained person. At this point, visitation with the child or children will be held. The parent is allowed to visit, play, and socialize much like they would in an unsupervised setting for the allotted time. However, the counselor will listen for threats, fighting words, or behavior that will cause problems. In the event that a problem arises, the visit will be ended. This type of staff intervention will ensure that the visit with the non-custodial parent will be a safe and secure visit for the child. Some programs charge a fee for the exchange. This fee may be set by the agency that provides the visitation and most likely will be addressed in the orientation materials or class provided prior to the first visit. Contact the agency in your area for more specific details. For example of several centers and their services see http://www.frognet.net/~vap/supervis.htm#what and http://www.victimservices.org/supvis.html

The custodial parent's role
Such a program can be very traumatic to a custodial parent and many times this program will not be successful because the custodial parent's lack of participation or negative feelings about the success of the program. Despite the many effects that can result from abuse, the main objective is to restore stability and family unity. The hardest part is to support a program and subject your child to trauma that you yourself suffered or that the child suffered. It is perfectly natural to want to shield a child from this type of hurt. However, children in most cases benefit from the experiences and advice from both parents. These programs are ordered just for this objective. Find support to help you deal with the issues of the domestic violence. The main thing is that there are many support groups out there on the Internet, and in your area. Utilize these services along with your family and friends, and get professional advice. Don't deal with it alone. Seek help! http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/7836/main.html

If you are part of the program, give it a chance. Talk to the staff at the agency or center where the visitation is taking place. Perhaps they can offer solutions or suggest counseling in your area that might be helpful to you and your child.

Lack of participation penalties
By helping the child or children understand the importance of both parents' input, supervised visitation can work. However, despite all the advantages some might still not participate. Since programs are usually court-ordered, the custodial parent might be held accountable for their lack of participation. This could subject that parent to court sanction, contempt, or in some extreme cases more liberal visitation.

Make it work!
Supervised visitation can work if given a chance. Don't subject yourself to court action for lack of participation. Despite all the emotional issues that occurred during your marriage or relationship, by helping to make this work for your child or children it can only restore and promote a healthy relationship with the non-custodial parent in a safe environment.

The court may not order supervised visitation in every instance but if you think that such a program might be necessary, and one is not in place, check with an attorney, your local court, or social services about putting a supervised or restricted visitation program in place for you and your child.

C. Annelies Mouring, J.D. is a Contributing Editor for Divorced Parents @ http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/divorced_parents
This article was reprinted with permission from author. Copyright 1999.