Your child just entered adolescence and everything seems to change. Overnight, the way your young adolescent talks about school is quite different. The once bubbling, wide-eyed accounts of the day's events in school are replaced by a wider variety of responses, ranging from excited descriptions to mere grunts. Why does a small difference in age make such a great difference in the way youngsters talk about school?

Adolescence Brings Change

Young people, parents and schools change as children reach adolescence. Most 10- to 15-year-olds attend junior and middle schools that are larger, more impersonal, and probably more complex than the elementary schools they came from. Often, they have several teachers, each with different standards and expectations. Their relationships with their families and their friends alter as they grow physically and develop new interests.

With all these changes taking place, it is not surprising that parents sometimes find it difficult to talk to their young teenagers about school. However, the newly developing ability to think abstractly, coupled with the emergence of keen observational skills, can make communication easier and more fun with young adolescents. If parents are willing to accept the changes in their children and to listen to their concerns, talking about school should be a pleasant experience.

Importance of School for Young Adolescents

Parents often see school solely as a place for their young adolescents to learn the skills necessary for further education and future employment. Young adolescents see school as much more than a place to learn facts and skills. Many significant experiences in a young adolescent's life take place in school. They do not just go to school; they live at school six or seven hours a day.

What Parents Want and Need to Know...and How to Ask

Parents usually want to know if their youngsters are safe, if they are working up to their capacity, and whether the school is a "good" school. In addition, parents need to know if the school provides a healthy environment for their children. Does the school actively consider the needs of its young adolescent students? Here are some things to consider:

Does the school provide:

Diverse learning experiences and relationships?
Opportunities for self-exploration and self-discovery?
Opportunity for students to participate in a meaningful way in their school and community?
Positive social interaction among students and between students and staff?
Opportunities for physical activity?
Opportunities for students to be successful and feel competent, especially in the basic subjects?
Appropriate structure and clear limits?
Discussing school not only gives you information about your child's education, it also can strengthen your relationship. How, then, can you get past the "yes" and "no" answers, the questions about homework, and the one-way lectures about the importance of school to really talk about your adolescent's school experience? Here are some questions you can ask:

1. Is there something you are especially good at that you get to do at school?

2. Is the work too hard, too easy, or just right for you?

3. Do you have a close relationship with an adult staff member?

4. What are the three most important school rules?

5. What happens when one of the three most important rules is broken?

6. Do you think the rules a re fair or reasonable? Why or why not?

7. Do students have a voice in making decisions and establishing rules at school? How?

8. Do you worry a lot about having things stolen from you or your safety at school?

9. What changes would you like to see at your school?