"I feel so hopeless." "They all hate me." "I even hate myself, how can I get out of this lousy hole?" "I can't study." "I don't have any friends!"

Does this sound familiar? Have you heard these words coming from your teenager?

Depression is more common than previously believed among adolescents. A teenager who seems withdrawn and lonely is in most cases going through a period of "intense problem solving." However, for some teens this is a more serious problem, and they can even turn suicidal.

Adolescents with depressive illness feel sad and may consistently understand their plight as hopeless. They may not be comforted by relationships with family and friends. Adolescents with a depressive illness will frequently show poor concentration, extreme difficulty in self-starting, striking changes in thinking and behaving, often times trouble sleeping through the night and changes in their eating patterns. They may feel tired, dragged out, or conversely, have excessive nervous energy. They may feel guilty or worthless. An adolescent with a depressive illness, if not given the help they need, may turn to suicide.

Normally, saddened adolescents complain or talk about their sadness while they try and do something about it. Teens, in general, will push away their parents and rely more on relationships with peers. The difference between "normal" adolescent sadness and clinical depression is based on the time, degree, and amount of deviation from the youth's usual personality and behavior.

Teenagers can become unhappy for many reasons. Teenagers who become very stressed will sometimes become depressed often, this will happen in a family in which other family members, regular or grandparents, are or have been depressed.

Use positive discipline. Shame and punishment instead of positive reinforcement may leave feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy in children's lives.
Avoid overprotecting and overdirecting. Protecting children from too many things, not letting them make a mistake, and directing everything they should and shouldn't be doing comes across to children as their parent's lack of faith in their ability to do anything for themselves.
Don't expect absolute compliance.
Don't use your child to fulfill your own unachieved goals.
Again, it is common for teens to feel unhappy from time to time. However, your teen may be suffering from clinical depression if you notice that he or she experiences five or more of the following thoughts, feelings and behaviors for two weeks or longer.

Crying, sadness or a very cranky mood
Withdrawing (avoiding friends, activities and social events)
Sleeping problems
Eating problems
Declining schoolwork
Nervous energy or a lack of energy
Sense of low self-worth or guilt
Fatigue
Preoccupation with death, dying, or wanting to be dead

If a teen with depressive illness does not receive help, he or she may turn to suicide as an escape. Four main danger signals of suicide are: 1) threats or talk of killing oneself; 2) preparing for death--giving away prized possessions, making a will, farewell letters, or saying goodbye; 3) talking like there is no hope for the future; 4) acting or talking like not a single person cares, completely giving up oneself and others. Teens showing any of these suicide danger signals should be taken seriously and receive help from a qualified professional.

If you believe your teenager may be suffering from a clinical depression, a thorough evaluation by a mental health professional experienced in this area is recommended. Additionally you can:

Be willing to listen. Take the time out to really pay attention. You don't have to have all the answers. Just listen.

Take the problem seriously. The problem may not be important to you, but may be to them. Show your teen that you care, and you want to understand.

Don't put them down. It doesn't help teenagers to hear you say "Keep your chin up. Tomorrow will be a better day!" Their problem is real to them.

Encourage them to talk to other people as well as to you. Offer to go along with them to an adult friend they can trust.

Offer to join the person in some activity they normally enjoy. They need a chance to have some fun and get their mind cleared.

Let them know you care. They may try to put you off. Stay in touch. Invite them to do things with you. Don't force them to be cheerful. Stick with them.

Offer help early. Offering to help early on may prevent the teenager from sinking into a deeper depression.

Help to understand the cause of distress. Where is the distress coming from? Understanding the source of distress is one of the best means of freeing ourselves from its effects.

Expect rebuffs. If you are trying to communicate or support a depressed youth, don't be surprised if the responses you get are irritable and negative. Don't take them personally. Patience is an important attribute.

It is important to remember that you cannot be responsible for another person's actions when they are stressed, depressed or suicidal. What you can do is be a caring responsible friend during the hard times. You can listen to their concerns, support them and get skilled help.

Reprinted with permission from Ohio State University Extension Service