Our mother gave up four children in the 50's, and in the 60's adoptions where final. She thought of those children often, Her son died in 1988, and one daughter came forward that year [Edna]. Their relationship was very strained, and the girl was very cruel to mother. The girl entered the relationship with a lot of blame, which she never let go. In 1994, when mother died, she stood at mother's funeral degrading the woman to anybody who would listen.

I met the family that raised this child from age 1 or 2. They were very well to do and a wonderful family. To this day they are there for this girl; yet, she has no good to say of them. She also has no problem taking their money. Then, in September of 1999, another daughter [Helen] came forward. The nightmare got worse. Mother no longer here, I found myself in a position of defending mother, for Edna had done nothing but put everybody down to Helen.

Needless to say, neither one speaks to me now.[Edna by my choice, Helen by her choice: she believes every word Edna says.]

In the 80's, mother came to me and asked me to find the three girls, so in my eyes she did care. She was always closed-mouthed about things. She never defended herself, nor did she ever degrade our father. She just never spoke of him unless we asked, and then you could sense a fear of talking of him, so I never would push the issue. Back in 1976, I had a chance to go meet our father and mother never said a word. Her sister came to me begging me not to contact the man, because he would kill mother. Afraid, I let it go.

In 1999, I found out our father died in 1992. I also found out he went on to have more children since mother - seven to be exact. He was convicted of trying to kill one of those children. I also found out he murdered his wife before our mother. As of today, I know this man fathered 22 children. I understand there are more.

I spend my days writing, and I plan on writing a book about all this. It is the only way I know how to deal with the pain of this whole mess, and at times, I find it hard to put it in words. I think I should hire Mr. King to write this horror story, for it is true and not a fantasy.

Through all this journey, I still think adoption is a good thing, but finding your family may not always be the best thing for you. I still have a sister, Diann, out there who was born in November of '55. In my heart, I would love to meet her, but I am not so sure this nightmare would be best for her. I am very torn over this. I would like to hear from the rest of the children of Charles Studler in order to piece this book together. I can be reached at theresahope@yahoo.com.

Many years ago, a wise doctor told me, "Truth in one hand and forgiveness in the other"; words so true when you venture out to find your family.