The Pressures of Infertility

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Which are you?

The pressures of infertility can seem insurmountable. A feeling of helplessness sets in - "I am a victim... Why is nature dealing me this card?... What is wrong with me?"

These thoughts can create great imbalance in one's life. Those imbalances can lead a couple to inflicting upon themselves "fertility" treatments, which include pumping up the blood system with abnormally high levels of hormones and other invasive procedures that were considered cruel when practiced on laboratory animals.

Whether a couple resorts to such imbalance is in direct relation to how we deal with infertility. Will the infertile couple feel more comfort in being a victim of "infertility", or are they the "we're going to take charge of our lives" type of people.

Here's a true story:

Joseph was my classmate from the first grade and throughout elementary school. Since I was a close friend with his older brother, David, we kept in close contact throughout high school and for years thereafter.

Joseph and I got married at about the same time and just like us, Joseph and his wife were stricken with infertility. I had heard that Joseph tried various fertility processes and was unsuccessful. Three years ago, with David's approval, I called Joseph and shared with him our adoption success story along with the many other adoptions we've made happen. I was hopeful that Joseph and his wife would envision the same enlightenment to a fruitful road to parenting as we fond through the adoption process.

I informed Joseph that although I once felt handicapped by infertility, I was now a proud father of five children. After our conversation, I forwarded to Joseph and his wife a packet of information, and I would hear from them if they were interested in our adoption services. I never heard from Joseph. Joseph, 41, has been married now for nearly twenty years... and is still not a father. For the past 18 years, Joseph has been adamant about making biological reproduction of his children his "only" path towards fatherhood.

Those of us that have adopted know that biological reproduction is only one path towards parenthood. Adoptive parents understand that parenthood is our destination and how we get there is of little long as we reach our destination.

Due to my wife, Carol's determination, I was blessed to have been able to see the bigger picture, be able to see that parenting a child was the real goal in our lives and not the child's biological makeup. Thanks to Carol, I overcame the pressures of infertility and found adoption as my pathway towards fathering 3 children.

Unfortunately, Joseph was not as blessed!

Is your child's biological makeup really important?

As a father, my male ego influences me to want my children to look like Carol and me. This way we can show off these miniature versions of ourselves.

My biological daughter, Lauren, was 4 years old when we first turned to adoption. At that time, I had figured that as a parent, Lauren would be our only "miniature" that we would raise as a child. Then, as David and Elan (our two adopted sons) grew older, I began to experience a great phenomenon about the adoption boys looked just like me!!

How is this possible?

From their first days of life, I was the only male influence in their environment. My boys absorbed my smile and laugh. They duplicated my facial expressions, body language, and overall mannerisms. They each picked up on these traits of mine and 'adopted' them as their own.

At first, I was under the distinct impression that it was I that was adopting my two sons. Only years later, did I realize, the beautiful phenomena of my boys adopting me...and they adopted me with their whole soul and being. This natural adoption and development of my boys has led them to have similar physical appearance as me.

When Samantha, at 3 ½ years old entered into our family, she too took part in the same phenomenon of naturally adopting into the traits of the environment that surrounded her. She too adopted the mannerisms of me and my boys.

Today, as an adoptive dad, I realize that not only did I adopt my children, but that my kids have even more fervently adopted me...and I look at that as the greatest gift of flattery a kid can give his dad.

Thanks guys...I love you!

Credits: Allan Gindi

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