The Risks of Learning
Yes and No.
Yes, because increased competence from learning can increase self-esteem. No, because, when the experience of learning is threatening or demeaning, self-esteem can suffer in the process.
A lot depends on the nature of instruction given, whether by the classroom teacher, by the coach or activity director, by peers, or most powerfully of all by the parents at home. To be constructive teachers to their child, parents must beware their own INSTRUCTIONAL AMNESIA, accept the reality of MULTIPLE TRIAL LEARNING, and be sensitive to THE RISKS OF LEARNING inherent in trying to comprehend or master something new.
A common example of INSTRUCTIONAL AMNESIA is the parent helping her second grader struggling with math homework, becoming irritated by the child's slowness at grasping mathematical concepts that are second nature to the mother. "What's the matter with you? You're not trying! Stop acting so stupid!"
The problem is not that the child isn't trying, it's that the parent has forgotten what it was like first learning these elementary concepts many years ago. Knowledge has obliterated memory of ignorance. It is this instructional amnesia that causes her to be insensitive now, to become impatient, to express frustration by name calling her child "stupid," each of these behaviors making it more stressful for the child to learn. Knowing so much as adults, it's easy for parents to forget that childhood learning is not easy.
Another obstacle that gets in the way of parents effectively teaching is expecting their child to learn something new right away, or having gotten it right not to get it wrong again. Parents may assume children are one-trial learners, when in most cases this is not so. Children are MULTIPLE-TRIAL LEARNERS and this requires persistence on the part of the child and patience on the part of the parents. Parental impatience discourages the child's persistence. The reality is, most children don't learn most of what parents want them to know the first time around. It takes repetition to teach, it takes practice to learn, and it takes patience on both sides for learning to be accomplished. (Nothing enfuriates some parents more than regression after learning has been accomplished: "It makes me so mad that he has broken training after he has shown us he knows how to use the toilet!")
Finally, the parents' power of instruction depends a lot on their sensitivity to the RISKS OF LEARNING the child must be willing to take. Consider five of the more common risks.
1) The child must be willing to DECLARE IGNORANCE, to admit "I do not know."
2) The child must be willing to MAKE MISTAKES, to do things wrong before getting them right, to admit "I messed up!"
3) The child must be willing to sometimes FEEL STUPID, to have a hard time understanding, to admit "I'm just not catching on!"
4) The child must be willing to LOOK FOOLISH, to have others witness his or her efforts to learn, to admit "I must seem dumb to anyone who sees me struggle like this."
5) The child must be willing to GET EVALUATED by himself or herself or by others, to have performance judged, to admit "my efforts show my self and the world how well I do."
Given these risks, parents can choose to raise them and discourage effort, or reduce them and encourage the child to learn.
If parents want TO DISCOURAGE LEARNING they can: put down ignorance ("you should know this already!"), be impatient with mistakes ("Stop messing up!"), despair at stupidity ("You'll never learn!"), embarrass foolishness ("You should be ashamed at being so slow!"), and give a critical evaluation ("You did it all wrong!") Disappointment, punishment, sarcasm, and ridicule have no productive place in the instructional process.
If parents want TO ENCOURAGE LEARNING they can: give ignorance permission ("It's okay not to know"), treat mistakes as honorable efforts ("You will learn from your mistakes"), be sensitive to feelings of stupidity ("It's hard to attempt something new"), admire the willingness to look foolish ("You're brave to let others see you try"), and give a positive evaluation ("You know more now than you knew before.")
Finally, parents can strive to keep the family safe for learning by not allowing an older child to make fun of or put down a younger child's efforts to learn. They can also model a willingness to take the risks of learning as adults, showing patience with themselves when obstacles are encountered or errors are made. And finally, they can treat all problems that arise not as experiences of frustration but as challenges to master and opportunities from which to learn.
© Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. 2001, all rights reserved. For permission to us, contact author.
