I would like to say that no matter how ready I thought I was for information that I had been curious about for over 40 years, I was not ready for the shock, embarrassment and emotional trauma it has caused me to know the circumstances of my birth.

I recently received non-identifying information from the state, and I regret knowing that I came into the world in an undignified place and circumstance. It hurts my heart to know what I now know. While my natural mother's situation may have been tragic as I don't have details of course, and I have forgiven the hurt she has caused, it was probably due to poor decision making on her part.

I grew up with an autocratic, controlling adoptive mother who had trouble showing her feelings and had psychological problems. Finding out the information has made me realize that I was born to be my adoptive parent's daughter, not my natural mother's. I no longer desire any contact with her or any member of her family or my natural father's. The way I see it, God planned for me to be permanently and wholly given to my adoptive parents (who could no longer have children). My adoptive parents are now dead, and I wish I could thank them and tell them how I feel. You see, they knew about the circumstances, yet they wanted me anyway.

© 2004