Parents constantly complain that their teens don't talk to them. We claim it is because they choose to ignore us, and sometimes we are correct.

Other times, we are guilty of not stopping to talk to teens when they are ready to converse. With all these problems interfering with meaningful dialogue between teens and parents, we should increase the odds of communication actually happening. One way is to know your teen.

Knowing your teen sounds so simple, but most parents know very little about their kids. When the child reaches adolescence, parents are either 'put off' by what their children have become or are too busy to 'keep on top' of what is going on with them. This is a giant mistake for keeping communication lines open.

Busy families see less of each other than is advisable, but when we do, let's get to know each other. Do you know who your teen's best buddies are? You should be able to recite six names and know where they live, who their parents are, and something about them. How about the brand of jeans your teen chooses when they get to pick? Your teen is an individual and because they are, they have certain likes and dislikes. Make sure you know these. How do you go about finding the perfect gift for your teen if you don't know which musical group is tops? This all helps with communication, as well as shopping.

When you know what your teen likes, you know what he does. You know a little about how he thinks and how he acts. You know him. Talking with someone you know something about aids conversation. You can relate to the child on a level he understands. You are able to talk to him about a topic that is interesting to him. You both may find common ground while discussing his viewpoint because you better understand where he is coming from.

You get to know your child by asking him questions, but even better by listening to him. When he talks or expresses himself, pay attention. If you expect the same courtesy back, show it to him. Try to get him to talk at the table, in the car, or anytime he seems receptive.

If you are there when he wants to talk, the challenge will be much less to get him to talk when there is a problem. Encourage him to express his viewpoints and ask questions about his music, activities and clothes. These questions show you care about his individuality.

Many minds have melded and bonds cemented over a discussion where inner thoughts are discussed and ideas exchanged. But, in the beginning, just strive for open communication and showing your teen you respect them.

© Copyright 2000

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel