Toilet Training Your Child

Mommy, I did it!

I went in the potty!

Are these the words you long to hear from your child? Teaching your child to use the toilet can be a difficult process for both you and your toddler. How do you know when your child is ready, and what is the best way to toilet teach? Keep reading to get the naked truth about toilet teaching.

What Is Toilet Teaching?

Toilet teaching (also called toilet training) is the process of helping your child learn to use the toilet instead of urinating or passing bowel movements in diapers.

Toilet teaching your toddler isn't an overnight experience. The process typically takes between 2 weeks and 6 months. Mastering nighttime dryness can happen simultaneously, but it may also take an additional 6 months to 1 year.

Is My Child Ready?

Many parents are unsure about when to start toilet teaching. The answer may be when your child tells you she is ready. It's more likely, though, that you will have to watch your child for signs of readiness, such as stopping an activity for a few seconds or clutching her diaper. Most children show these signs between 18 and 24 months, although some may be ready earlier or later than that. Boys typically start later and take longer to learn to use the potty than girls.

As a parent, it's your job to pick up on these cues and support your child as she outgrows using diapers.

Rather than consider your child's age as a readiness indicator, it's essential that you learn to observe signs from your child that tell you it's time to start toilet teaching, such as the ability to:

*follow simple instructions

*understand words about the toileting process

*regulate the muscles responsible for elimination

*express verbally a need to go

*keep a diaper dry for 2 hours

*get to the potty on her own

*pull down diapers or underpants

As for timing, experts recommend that parents initiate toilet teaching during summer because children wear less clothing. Because simple clothes are a must at this stage, avoid overalls and shirts that snap in the crotch. Your child needs to be able to undress herself. You might even consider letting your child have some time during the day when she's not wearing a diaper. If she urinates without wearing a diaper, she may be more likely to feel what's happening and express discomfort.

One thing to remember - "you can lead a child to the potty, but you can't make him go," says Daniel Kessler, MD, a developmental pediatrician. The message is clear: if you have to push your child to use the potty, she's not ready.

Toilet Teaching Do's and Don'ts

It's a good idea to discuss toilet teaching with your child's doctor at the 9-month checkup and begin talking about the concept with your child by the time she reaches 18 months so that she's familiar with it. "It's certainly too early to train," Dr. Kessler says, "but by making the potty visible and acknowledging it, you make toileting a natural part of what the child will be doing when he gets older."

When describing toileting to your child, avoid using cutesy or slang names. Instead, say "urine" and "bowel movement." This will help keep your child from making negative associations (such as "dirty diaper") with her body's waste products.

Because your child learns by watching you, show your child how you sit on the toilet and explain what you are doing.

You may want to begin toilet teaching by having your child sit on the potty after she wakes up with a dry diaper. You can also try catching your child in the act. Children often give clear cues that they need to use the bathroom - their faces turn red, and they may grunt or squat.

In addition, boys may start to urinate when they enter bath water, so take the opportunity to point out that big boys use the potty.

Another tip is to remove a bowel movement from your child's diaper, deposit it in the toilet, and tell your child that bowel movements go in the potty.

Above all, be sure to praise your child's efforts. Accidents will happen, but it's important that you not punish your child or show disappointment. Instead, tell your child that it was an accident and offer your support. Praise your child's attempts to use the toilet, even if nothing happens.

Establishing a routine is also helpful for many toddlers. Taking advantage of the body's natural reflexes is an important step. With a full stomach, some kids have a tendency to want to have a bowel movement. About 20 minutes after breakfast or dinner, have your child sit on the potty.

When you begin the toilet teaching process, it's important that all of your child's caregivers - including babysitters, grandparents, and child care workers - follow the same routine. Let these other people know how you're handling the issue and ask that they use the same approaches so your child will not become confused.

Experts sometimes disagree about whether to use plastic training pants. Some people think that these training pants are just bigger diapers and that they might make kids think that it's OK to use them like diapers, thus slowing the toilet teaching process. Plastic training pants are so absorbent that kids often can't feel wetness, so they may not be uncomfortable enough to want to be changed or to use the toilet instead.

Others say that plastic training pants can keep children from becoming embarrassed if they wet the bed. Because nighttime dryness often comes long after daytime dryness, many children who wear underwear during the day may use training pants at night or naptime. Once the plastic training pants remain dry for a few days, kids can make the switch to wearing underwear.

Ask your child's doctor for his or her opinion about whether your child would benefit from this transitional step.

Other tips include:

*Show your little boy how to stand so that he can aim his urine stream into the toilet.

*Buy an attachment for your bathroom's light switch so that your child can turn on the light by herself.

*Don't offer food as a reward for going to the potty. Instead, you might want to keep a chart of your child's successes. Once she appears to be mastering the use of the toilet, you might want to let her pick out a few new pairs of big-kid underwear.

*Don't make your child sit on the toilet against her will.

Picking Out Your Potty

There are two basic potty options: a stand-alone, toddler-size potty chair with a bowl that can be emptied into the toilet or a toddler-size seat that can be placed on top of your toilet seat that will prevent your child from falling in.

If you opt for the toilet seat modification, you may also want to invest in a step stool so that your child can reach the seat comfortably. "It also is important for boys' and girls' feet to be on the ground or on a step stool," Dr. Kessler says, so that they can push with their legs when expelling a bowel movement.

You should buy a training potty for every bathroom in your house, and you may even want to keep one in the trunk of your car for emergencies.

Common Problems

Problems in toilet teaching include going to the potty for only one parent, toilet teaching while traveling, and regression.

Commonly, children are only comfortable going to the potty for one person. If your child will only go for you, gradually withdraw yourself from the process. For example, offer to help your child get undressed or walk your child to the bathroom. But wait outside the door.

Another typical problem is traveling. It can take time to find a discreet location or restroom. One way to solve that problem is to take a potty seat with you and stop every 1 to 2 hours.

Diarrhea or constipation may be another problem your child encounters from time to time. To keep your child from getting constipated, ensure your child is drinking enough liquids and eating enough fruits and vegetables, which add fiber. Contact your child's doctor if your child's bowel movements do not soften with these additions or if your child is complaining of painful bowel movements. If your child has diarrhea, she may need medical attention. Call your child's doctor if the diarrhea does not go away after 2 to 3 days or if your child appears ill or the diarrhea is very severe or contains blood.

Anything that causes a child stress may encourage her to return to a previous level of development, particularly if the change is recent. Stressors include an illness in the child or a relative, a new baby in the house, a change from crib to bed, or a move to a new house. Take these factors into consideration when you plan to introduce toilet teaching. It may be better to postpone toilet teaching until your child's environment is stable and secure.

As with all stages of toilet teaching, communication with your child is important. Explain to your child what is happening at all times. Practice patience and eventually your child will outgrow her diapers.

Updated and reviewed by: Kim Rutherford, MD
Date reviewed: September 2001
Originally reviewed by: Pam Bushnell, LCSW