Parent teacher conferences are often a cause for concern for everyone involved, including children, parents, and teachers. Children just beginning their school experience may be wary of the idea of parents and teachers talking about them behind closed doors. Parents may feel uncomfortable about going inside their child's classroom, sitting in small chairs, and listening to reports of their child's conduct and class work. Teachers, especially in their first years of teaching, may be uncertain about how to handle unhappy or critical parents. They may feel uneasy about telling anxious parents about their children's problems.

If children are experiencing problems at school, it is important for parents and teachers to share the responsibility for creating a working relationship that fosters children's learning (Katz et al., 1996). Teachers can encourage open communication by letting parents know when they are available and how they may be contacted, inviting parents to participate in classroom activities, and eliciting parents' concerns and interests prior to a scheduled conference. Parents can introduce themselves early in the school year, letting the teacher know when and how they can be reached, and asking how they can begin to become involved in classroom and school activities.

Open and frequent communication between parents and teachers helps to ensure that parent teacher conferences do not catch anyone by surprise. Both parents and teachers benefit from being well prepared in advance of the meeting (Coleman, 1991) so that issues that may otherwise be emotionally charged can be handled in a trusting atmosphere. Assuring parents of confidentiality also helps maintain trust. It may be helpful for both teachers and parents to keep in mind that for many parents, it is a fundamental part of the parenting role to be their child's strongest advocate (Katz, 1995).

hen Learning Problems Occur, Parents Can:

Consider the Context. Ask the teacher to be specific about the problem and the context in which the problem occurs. Children who experience difficulty in learning may do so for many reasons. They may be experiencing frustrations with peers, with family arrangements, or with specific subjects or learning situations. It may be beneficial for teachers to pinpoint areas of both strength and weakness that the child displays. Parents can then work with teachers to identify specific situations in which the difficulty occurs.

Identify What Helps. Ask the teacher what is being done to help the child overcome the problem. Hopefully the teacher has tried several strategies to help the child overcome the learning problem. Sometimes small steps, such as moving a child to a different place in the room or shortening an assignment, can make a difference. Often when children are experiencing frustration, they do not know how to let the teacher know that they do not understand what is expected of them. It may be helpful to have the teacher talk to the child about his or her problem along with the parent.

Make a Plan. Ask the teacher what you can specifically do to help the child at home. With the teacher, list three or four concrete actions to do every day. It may be as simple as a change in the evening schedule so that the child has 15 to 20 minutes of the parent's time to read together or work on math homework. A regular schedule is usually beneficial to a child. A younger child might benefit from two shorter periods of work rather than one long session. For example, it may be more effective to learn to spell three new words a night than to study ten or twelve words the night before a test.

Schedule a Follow-up Conference. Before leaving the conference, it is a good idea to agree with the teacher on what is expected of the child, what the teacher will do to help, and what the parent will do. Sometimes it is helpful to involve the child in these decisions so that he or she can see that the teacher and parents are working together to help alleviate the problem. A follow-up conference can be used to review the effectiveness of the plan and to formulate a new plan, if necessary. Scheduling another meeting after a period of three to four weeks signals to the child that both parents and teachers are highly interested in taking effective steps to help him or her achieve success in learning. This strategy can serve to encourage a child who may have become discouraged from repeated experiences of failure early in the school year.

When Behavior Problems Occur, Parents Can:

Specify the Behavior. Ask the teacher to be specific about the type of misbehavior in which your child engages. Aggressive behavior may be a child's way of getting something from a peer rather than of intentionally bringing harm to another person (Jewett, 1992). Inability to follow directions may be due to a hearing or language problem rather than direct defiance of the teacher. It is helpful to consider many viewpoints when pinpointing the behavior in question.

Examine the Context. Ask the teacher to help determine when, where, and why the misbehavior is occurring. Try to identify with the teacher any events that may have contributed to a specific incident of misconduct. Try to take into consideration anything that might be contributing to the situation: the influence of peers, time of day, family problems, illness or fatigue, or changes in schedule or after-school activities. Children may be more prone to misconduct when they are tired or irritated.

Examine the Teacher's Expectations. Ask the teacher to be as specific as possible about what a child does that is different from what the teacher expects in a particular situation. Sometimes, if the teacher assumes that a child is being intentionally aggressive, her expectation of aggressive acts can become part of the problem and can lead to a "recursive cycle" (Katz, 1995) in which children come to fulfill the expectations set for them. Try to determine with the teacher if the child is capable of meeting the teacher's positive expectations.

Make a Plan. Ask the teacher what can be done by both the teacher and the child to help solve the problem. It may be helpful to have the teacher call the parent when the problem happens again, in order to discuss possible solutions. Parents and teachers can look together at alternative short-term solutions. Often very young children may not understand what it expected of them in specific situations and may need added explanations and encouragement to meet a teacher's expectations. When young children understand the procedures to follow to complete a task, they may be better able to act without guidance. Knowing what to expect and what is expected of them increases children's ability to monitor their own behavior.

Plan a Follow-Up Conference. Children are more likely to be concerned about improving their behavior if they believe their parents care about how they behave. When a parent shows enough concern to try a plan of action and then meet again with the teacher to evaluate its effectiveness, it sends a strong message to the child that he or she is expected to behave at school. It is sometimes beneficial to include the child in the follow-up conference, too, so that the child might make possible suggestions. Knowing that parents and teachers care enough to meet repeatedly about a problem may be more motivating than any material reward a child is offered (Kohn, 1993).

When There Are No Concerns: Questions for Parents to Ask Teachers

In some cases, parent teacher conferences may not be very informative, especially if the teacher reports that the child has no problems. Some parents may repeatedly hear that they "have nothing to worry about." While this may sound reassuring, these parents may come away without the necessary information to help their children continue to make steady progress in school. When parents anticipate such an outcome from a conference, they may want to be prepared to ask some of the following questions:

What does my child do that surprises you? Very often this question can reveal to parents what expectations the teacher has for the child. Sometimes a child will behave quite differently at school than at home, so the parent may be surprised, as well.

What is my child reluctant to do? This question may reveal to the parents more about the child's interests and dislikes than they would ordinarily know. The question may encourage the teacher to talk to the parent about the child's academic and social preferences.

What is a goal you would like to see my child achieve? This question can serve as a springboard for parents and teachers to develop a plan to work together to help a child set and reach a specific outcome. Even well-behaved and high-achieving children may benefit from setting goals in areas that need improvement or in which they might excel.

More effective parent teacher conferences occur in an atmosphere of trust, where confidentiality is ensured and parents and teachers treat each other with respect. When children have learning or behavioral problems, it may be helpful to examine the context in which they occur and then to formulate a plan of action. Sometimes it is helpful to include the child in setting goals and reviewing the effectiveness of plans. Children are more likely to succeed in school if they can view their parents and teachers working together cooperatively.

Sources

Coleman, M. (1991). Planning for parent participation in schools for young children. ERIC Digest. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.

Jewett, J. (1992). Aggression and cooperation: Helping young children develop constructive strategies. ERIC Digest.Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.

Katz, L. (1995). Talks with teachers of young children: A collection. Norwood, NJ: Ablex.

Katz, L., Aidman, A., Reese, D., & Clark, A. (1996). Preventing and resolving parent-teacher differences. ERIC Digest. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.

Kohn, A. (1993). Punished by rewards: The trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A's, praise, and other bribes. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

For More Information

Bowman, B., & Brady, E. H. (1982). Today's issues: Tomorrow's possibilities. In S. Hill and B. J. Barnes (Eds.), Young children and their families: Needs of the nineties (pp. 207-217). Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.

Doner, K. (1996). My teacher hates me. Working Mother, (19)9, 46-48.

Katz, L. (1996). Building resilience: Helping your child cope with frustrations at school. Instructor, 106(3), 95-96.

Nielsen, L., & Finkelstein, J. (1993). A new approach to parent conferences. Teaching Pre K-8, 24(1), 90-92.

Willis, S. (1995). When parents object to classroom practice. Education Update, 37(1), 1-8.