Teens by nature are self-centered and sometimes selfish. I don't think they know they're self-centered; they also do not mean to be selfish. They just are. You may not think of this as a life skill, but it is since if you cannot put others before yourself, life could be difficult for you.

The problem is that during adolescence, a teen's whole world is changing. It is new, interesting, and all absorbing. Everything they do fills them with amazement, sparks a lengthy discussion about 'me', and requires them to run the whole gamut of emotions. Learning new things, changing bodies, meeting new people are all cause to focus on themselves.

I recently received an e-mail from a parent who planned a trip with her teenage son, which was meant to be a time for the two of them to connect. There was a concert at their destination that her son and his friend wanted to attend. Mom agreed to let the friend come along and bought them tickets. Next the son wanted to ride with his friend who decided to drive. Mom agreed. Finally, mom gave the son a substantial sum of money to spend on himself for the trip. The son then asked mom if she really needed to go along, mom was very hurt.

Parents need to remind their kids that they are not in this world alone. We must teach and expect our kids to be caring towards others. It won't develop if it isn't taught.

When you ask your kid about their day, do they ask you about yours? Volunteer the information so they get the idea to ask. Be silly and say something like, "In case you were wondering how my day went, the TV exploded, I ran over the cat, my dye turned my hair green, and we're having fried worms for supper." If they answer, "That's nice mom." they are not listening to you much less considering you. You have been royally ignored. That is unacceptable. Teach kids that other people exist and live in your house. Tell them all people have emotions and like to be asked how they are or what they've been doing. Teens are so pre-occupied with who they are that they sometimes forget others.

Get kids involved when a neighbor or friend is ill. Ask you kids to write a letter, send a card, do an errand, or go visit that person. Teach teens the power of prayer and remind them who needs their prayers. Explain that we all help and care about each other since we are part of a bigger family.

Train kids to have a generous spirit towards others by example. If they see you sharing what you have, they may be less selfish. Encourage them to share some of their money with someone else. Help them find ways to give their time to others. Teach them to not hold back love, affection, kindness, and understanding.

When kids can see beyond themselves, they are more likely to be caring and tolerant. They are less likely to steal just because they want something. They are less prone to violence because they can sympathize and empathize.

The advantages to not focusing on yourself can be seen in people who are able to overcome adversity by concentrating on doing stuff for others. They avoid depression by focusing on how they can be useful in the world. They share time and love. They switch the emphasis from me to thee. An amazing thing happens when we step outside ourselves, both you and the recipient benefit.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel