How Much is Too Much?

Taken from Growing Concerns -- A childrearing question-and-answer column with Martha Erickson of the University of Minnesota.

Question: Almost every day after school, our nine-year-old son locks himself in his room and plays video games all evening. We're worried about the effect this will have on him, but he gets angry when we try to persuade him to stop. Should we push the issue, or are we making too much of it?

Answer: As parents you have every right to set limits on your son's behavior when you think it is not in his best interest. And you are wise and reasonable to be concerned about a video game habit that is consuming so much of your son's time and energy. By spending so many hours playing video games alone, your son is isolating himself from family and friends, missing out on other positive activities, and subjecting himself to potentially harmful effects from the content and pace of the games he plays.

Although I can understand that it feels easier in the short run to keep the peace by giving in to your son's anger, in the long run you will both lose. He will learn to use anger to control others, and you will give up your power to guide and advise him as he moves toward the critical adolescent years. So here are a few steps you can take to reassert your parental authority and put your son's video game activities into a more reasonable place in his life.

Set clear time limits on your son's video game-playing, and enforce those limits consistently even if he protests.

Identify conditions your son must meet before he plays video games. For example, you may decide that he can play only after he has completed his homework and had a relaxed dinner with the family.

Move the video game equipment out of your son's bedroom and into the family room or living room where he can't isolate himself so easily. Today many families have a TV and other electronic equipment in each bedroom, which contributes to isolation and reduced communication among family members.

Familiarize yourself with the games your son plays and, as appropriate, guide him in choosing games that do not contain material you considerable harmful. (For ratings of many video games, contact the National Institute on Media and the Family in Minneapolis, Minnesota.)

Be clear with your son about the reasons for your concern, including the importance of ensuring adequate time for school work, family togetherness and other healthful activities.

Editor's Note: Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium, invites your questions on child rearing for possible inclusion in this column. E-mail to mferick@tc.umn.edu or write to Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service, 6 Morrill Hall, 100 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis, MN 55455.