Weepy After Reunion

"I have found my son, he has a happy life with his adoptive family, we are in frequent contact, we have met face to face and it went very well. I didn't cry when I was with him, but I keep getting weepy all the time now. I didn't do this before I found him. Why am I doing it now?" - Jan

Dear Jan,

The exact same thing happened to me. I never shed a tear until after my first meeting with my birthdaughter. We had even been corresponding via
email, etc., for several months. On my way home from our wonderful day I lost it. I was crying so hard I had to pull over several times. I thought I must be nuts.

I talked to several birthmom friends about it and found that many had reacted similarly. Surrendering a child to adoption is, in some ways, similar to losing one to death, but without closure. We were just told to 'get over it.' We never released ourselves from the loss, and for many years, that 'grief' was the only thing we had left of our children. It was OURS and no one could take it away.

I think the 'after tears' are our body's way of releasing tension and sorrow suppressed for so long. Also, we are finally letting go of 'the baby,' once we see that we will never have that baby again. We now have an adult child. Wonderful as that can be, we still have a longing for our baby.

Consider joining an online or offline (local) support group. There are several specifically for reunited birthmothers, as well as some for all Triad, as it really helps to know what our children are going through by talking to other adopted people.

Lezli
found daughter Julie on 3/18/1999
born 10/10/1968 in Ohio
adopted in Indiana now in Texas
Leave no stone unturned.