What to Do When Your Child Steals

You return home form the store and start to empty bags. You remove your 10-year-old son's jacket from the table where he threw it and something falls out of the pocket. It is a brand new pack of Pokemon cards. Puzzled, you stare at them. You didn't know he had them, you never saw him buy them, and he had no money. You know this since he was trying for an advance on his allowance. Again. But here were the cards. It suddenly hits you - HE STOLE THEM!!!

This situation can be the parent's worse nightmare. What do they do now? Shocked and worried, they are confused by and ashamed of this behavior from their very own child.

The first step is confrontation. Take immediate action; don't wait. Sit your child down and present them with the stolen item. Ask him where they came from? How did he buy them, with no money? If you are lucky, your child will admit the theft. You will then be miles ahead of the parent whose child does not claim the responsibility and makes up some excuse.

Depending on his answer you will move onto step two - Conversation. Parents must explain to children why stealing is so wrong. Expound your feelings about character, morals, and values. A child needs to know where you stand on this issue. Ask him if he knows he has done wrong and how he feels about what he has done. If you are sure he has stolen the item and he does not admit it, proceed exactly the same way. If unsure he actually stole something, you should not be this far.

If your child shows remorse and is truly ashamed of the theft, you may have caught this behavior before it becomes habit. It is a very big step when a child admits to wrongdoing so encourage him and praise his honesty in telling you, but do not ignore the theft. Feeling badly about it is great, but that is still not enough.

Step three is outlining the plan he must follow to make amends for his actions. March the child back to the store where he stole and have him admit what he has done to the storeowner, manager, or clerk. He must offer to return the item if it is like new and unopened or pay for it, whatever the store prefers. You may need to pay for it now and he will need to repay you. This child was too young for a job, so he must pay for it out of allowance or money earned for extra chores.

In my estimation, an apology is not enough since often they come too easily and are very insincere. A child may not mean it. There needs to be something more in order to make this lesson useful.

Asking the store manager if there is some job the boy can do for free to make up for his theft is a wonderful idea on two counts. It makes the child understand how serious his crime was that something must be done to get rid of hard feelings. The act helps him personalize the situation. He no longer stole from an unknown person, but Mr. Johnson, who has a slight limp, red hair and a daughter in your son's grade. This keeps that coldness from developing that thieves get about their crime not hurting anyone. If the store cannot come up with a job, let your child write an essay or make a poster about why stealing is bad.

If you follow these steps, there should never be a second time. If there is, consequences administered must be severe. You may even need to report your child to the police so he can grasp the severity of this behavior.

Parenting is not always easy, but firm action at the beginning may save you much heartache later on when he becomes a teen.

Credits: Jo Ann Wentzel