Is it more difficult to raise children today than it was in earlier times? It's hard to say for sure, but most adults seem to think so. In a 1999 survey by Public Agenda, Kids These Days '99: What Americans Really Think about the Next Generation [6], over 70% of adults surveyed described American youth negatively, using such terms as "rude, irresponsible, and wild." Moreover, most adults say that kids can't really look to their parents for guidance. A majority of the adults surveyed blamed parents for the behavior of youth, with fewer than one in four saying it is common to find parents who are good role models.

In a more recent survey by Public Agenda, A Lot Easier Said than Done [2], parents describe the challenges they face in raising children. Only 34% of parents surveyed in the 2002 Public Agenda poll felt they were successful in teaching their children self-control and self-discipline, and 49% said they worry more about raising a child who is well behaved and has good values than they do about providing for children's physical needs.

Many children are identified as difficult to manage at home and in school today. It is estimated that 12-25% of all American school-age children and 13% of preschool-age children have an emotional and/or behavioral disorder [4]. Rates of specific disorders such as attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, autism, and childhood depression have risen dramatically in recent years ([3], pp. 64-65). Why are so many children struggling today, and are parents entirely to blame?

What Are the Problems?
In their book Parents Under Siege, James Garbarino and Claire Bedard share their insights into parenting from their 25 years of experience in research with children and parents ([3], pp. 65-69). They cite the following four cultural and social trends that may influence healthy youth development:

The pace and technology of modern American culture may make it difficult for families to stay connected and for parents to exert their influence on children's developing value system. In most homes, children spend more hours absorbing messages from popular media (television, Internet, video, and radio) than they spend with members of their family. Television and other media are often avenues through which children learn negative values such as violence as entertainment, materialism, instant gratification, selfishness, and disrespect [8].)

The time crunch often pits parenting against other demands such as work, time with one's spouse, and pursuing personal development. Because of inadequate child care or youth programs or an inflexible workplace, children may be left on their own at home for many hours at young ages.

More children grow up in single-parent households today. Without the support of a second parent, a young child's difficult behavior may grow into impossible behavior when single parents feel overwhelmed and worn down by their children's challenging behaviors.

More seriously premature infants survive than would have in years past. In addition to the high risk imposed by any premature birth, some of these infants also have multiple risk factors because of their mothers' drug or alcohol abuse. These children are more likely to have physical problems, intellectual limitations, and difficult temperaments. As a result, severely premature babies can be more difficult to care for than full-term babies.

How Can Parents Respond?
These powerful trends impact parents and families and appear to be here to stay. Garbarino and Bedard argue that children need a "protective cocoon of adult authority" ([3], p. 154) to counter the influences of a crass and often toxic popular culture. What children need, Garbarino and Bedard argue, is more adult supervision and more intensive parenting. Parents need to be a stronger force in their children's lives.

One of the ways that parents can be stronger forces in their children's lives is to respond to children as a parent and not as a pal. All children need a clear structure of authority to know the limits and boundaries for behavior. This is especially true, Garbarino and Bedard believe, for temperamentally difficult children, who often experience frustration in school and in their relationships with their peers ([3], pp. 154-155; [7]).

Parents act as authority figures when they set and maintain reasonable and firm limits on the amount and types of media children consume. Parents also act as authority figures when they point out rudeness and insist on respectful behavior from children. When parents set limits in these situations, they help to create order and they let children know what behaviors are valued in the family [1; 7; 8].

Another way parents can be a stronger force is by spending more time with their children. A healthy relationship has a high ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions ([3], p. 60). When families prioritize their schedule to spend more time together, there are multiple opportunities for positive interactions. Everyday routines such as meal times and bedtimes, leisure activities such as going to movies or playing a board game, and special occasions such as vacations and outings are vehicles for building positive connections within a family.

Parents who have little time to develop positive connections with their children are sometimes reluctant to respond firmly to children's negative behavior when it arises. These subtle mistakes in discipline and limit-setting early in life, Garbarino and Bedard say, can set the stage for "no win coercive cycles" between parents and children ([3], p. 64). Ineffective patterns of interaction between parents and children can develop and discourage families from spending time together. To avoid unpleasant and sometimes destructive interactions, families avoid doing what they need to do more of--spending time together.

With so many schedules to juggle and demands on their time, families can feel overwhelmed trying to find time to be together. Bill Doherty, a family life educator and researcher, offers two simple suggestions to parents to help them reclaim family time [5].

First, Doherty says, make family time a priority. Schedule important family times (such as regular meal times or outings together) first, and all other activities in the time remaining. Second, Doherty says, limit the use of television, the Internet, and other electronic media if these dominate family life at home.

Spending more time together can help families build connections and stay connected as children grow from preschoolers into adolescents. What else can parents do to actively override many of the harmful influences of modern culture? David Walsh, a psychologist and parent educator, offers the following suggestions to parents [8]:

Be honest with yourselves about the values you are espousing and teaching your children.

Develop traditions that reinforce core values and provide a counterbalance to the values of the marketplace.

Examine your priorities in terms of how you spend your time.

Be willing to say "no" to children's unreasonable requests.

Be clear about your intolerance for antisocial behavior.

Limit your children's exposure to media like television and video games.

Teach your children to be media literate.

Teach your children how to budget and save money.

Make sure your teenagers' jobs do not interfere with more important things.

Link responsibilities with rights so children learn that the two go together.

Read to your children.

Expose your children to heroes who embody healthy values.

Stay engaged with your teenagers.

Talk to other parents about your shared concerns for children.

Parenting in the 21st century may not be more difficult than parenting in previous centuries. The challenges facing parents today, however, demand more focus and more intentionality to counter the many unhealthy messages youths receive from popular culture.

For More Information

Hurried Children, Busy Families
http://npin.org/pnews/2002/pnew902/feat902.html

Are Our Boys All Right?
http://npin.org/pnews/2000/pnew300/int300a.html

Back to School: Time to Change TV-Viewing Habits
http://npin.org/pnews/2001/pnew901/int901a.html

Resolve to Start the School Year with Regular Family Meal Times
http://npin.org/pnews/2001/pnew901/int901e.html

The Parent-Child Relationship as Violence Prevention
http://npin.org/pnews/2000/pnew700/feat700.html

Kids Who Care: The Development of Empathy, Care, and Compassion
http://npin.org/pnews/2001/pnew101/int101c.html

Manners, Morals, and Civility
http://npin.org/pnews/2001/pnew101/int101b.html

Commercial Alert
http://www.commercialalert.org/

Putting Family First
http://www.familylife1st.org/index.html

Sources

[1] Carter, Stephen L. (1998). Civility: Manners, morals, and the etiquette of democracy. New York: Basic.

[2] Farkas, Steve; Johnson, Jean; Duffett, Ann; Wilson, Leslie; & Vine, Jackie. (2002). A lot easier said than done: Parents talk about raising children in today's America [Online]. Available: http://www.publicagenda.org/specials/parents/parents.htm.

[3] Garbarino, James, & Bedard, Claire. (2001). Parents under siege. New York: Free. (ERIC Document No. ED463074)

[4] Jellinek, Michael, & Murphy, Michael. (1999). Psychosocial problems, screening, and the pediatric symptom checklist [Online]. Available: http://www.dbpeds.org/section/fall_1999/jellinek.html.

[5] Patten, Peggy. (2000). The role of rituals in strengthening family ties: An interview with William Doherty. Parent News [Online], 6(6). Available: http://npin.org/pnews/2000/pnew1100/spot1100.html.

[6] Public Agenda. (1999). Kids these days '99: What Americans really think about the next generation [Online]. Available: http://www.publicagenda.org/specials/kids/kids.htm.

[7] Taffel, Ron. (1999). Teaching kids respect. Parents, 74(6), 96-103.

[8] Walsh, David. (1994). Selling out America's children. Minneapolis, MN: Fairview. (ERIC Document No. ED411089)