On January 3, 2003 a court order was written in Florida by a judge to have an adoption record open. The order was sent to another agency by mistake. I finally received it in February. A judge had appointed me as intermediary to receive the adoption file and do a search for the biological birth mom. I contacted the adoptee immediately explaining that I was so sorry having not received the order sooner. Pat said not to worry, that her and her birth dad had been reunited for almost 3 years come June. The problem was John couldn't remember the birth mom's last name. He knew her first name was Jean. Pat had posted on the internet and John had found her. They are having a wonderful loving relationship. Pat said I needed to phone John as he had a lot of information and had encouraged her to try and locate Jean the birth mom.

Speaking with John, he did have a lot of information about Jean. She was born in another country, that her parents were deceased, the color of her hair even down to the cigarettes she had smoked. They had a relationship while John was in the military, separated from his wife and 2 young boys. He always wondered what had happened to his daughter and was so happy when they were reunited. I asked if DNA testing had been done. John replied, "No need; I know she's my daughter: we look so much alike. We have the same mannerisms.

I contacted the agency. The lady there was extremely helpful and upon faxing her the court order she read the file to me. The information seemed to fit John, age, place and time. But the biological Dad wasn't named in the records, just all the birth moms, baby and adoptive parents' information.

I found the birth mom still living in the same city. I sent her a letter explaining what had taken place and a release to sign. She did not respond. I sent her a 2nd letter. She wrote back saying at that time she would have to think about having contact. I phoned Jean; we talked. I told her how Pat and John had been reunited and we having a wonderful relationship, then the bomb dropped, "He's not the father," she said. She was adamant about that. She told me the birth dad's name. Well, it certainly wasn't John. She explained how the birth dad was of olive complexion, black hair, and of Cuban decent.

I called John in California and relayed the conversation I had with Jean. Of course he said she was wrong. Having a baby alone, placing it for adoption, was so traumatic she had forgotten him over the past 42 years. He knew without a doubt he was Pat's biological dad. I called Pat in S.C. and told her. I could tell she was shaken by this news. After all, for almost 3 years, she has known this man to be her birth dad. She had come to love and respect him. They had spent holidays together and traveled around the United States visiting and spending time at each other's homes. John has formed a grandfather relationship with Pat's son. Her mom, Mona had accepted this man into their family as her daughter's birth dad. Pat's siblings were delighted that she had found some of her biological roots.

Immediately I suggested to both of them to have the DNA done. John found a company in Salt Lake City, Utah to do procedure. It only took a week from the time they received the swab test back. Pat received the news on Monday March 17, 2003. John was not the birth dad. Pat could hardly speak as she told me. She was trying to reach John to tell him, but he wasn't answering his phone. She was going to keep trying, as he had to know this unbelievable news. I told her to call me as soon as she heard from him. I knew he would take this very hard. Within an hour, Pat called. She told John he wasn't her biological dad. As suspected, this was devastating to him. Emotions were running very high.

I reached Jean and told her of the outcome of the DNA testing, as she had said before she did not know this man named John who claimed to be the biological dad. She feels so bad for Pat and her family having been put through all of this. She had always prayed that Pat had a good and happy life. But most of all, she had never forgotten her, and held her that day in the hospital and told her how much she loved her before she gave her up.

One cannot begin to understand the trauma this family is going through at this time. Adoption is a lifelong process, from the birth, to the adoption, making the decision to search and finally the reunion. It is so important to have DNA testing done, even if you think you are positive of what the outcome will be. There can be no room for error in reuniting families. Pat has the loving support of her family, faith, and friends, this will see her through this trying time.

I can only wish all of the families in this search the best of luck. Jean has agreed to talk to Pat. They are exchanging pictures and so the reunion begins. I know in time, the hurt will heal, but this heartache could have been prevented with DNA testing from the beginning. I encourage anyone searching to be careful. Have DNA testing done; it has become very affordable.

(all of the names have been changes to protect the privacy of those involved)

© 2003