Courtney Frey
Biography
Articles
First Meetings:
The paperwork has been filled out, birthmothers have chosen a couple to meet, waiting couples have received the call. The anticipation and anxiety of the first meeting sets in. Beyond worrying about... [more]
Treasures of Labor
All healthy relationships are those that give evidence of hard work. Signs of growth, commitment, and trial and error are reflected in the actions of those who have gone again and again to the... [more]
Portrayals of Open Adoption
Stories are my work. My own story prompted me to begin researching adoption as a whole when, in 1995, I discovered the painful reality of changing minds and non-existent communication. I'd waited... [more]
What You Should Know About Adoption Scams
I have just watched it happen again. Horrified, I see two precious little girls thrown into a whirlwind of injustice. I see the media run wild to cover each detail, as the voices of everyone... [more]
Change and Choice
Those just now considering adoption and those involved in adoption know well this journey of Change and Choice. We are those who face the challenge of un-met expectations, decisions, and sacrifices... [more]
Closet Assumptions (Part One)
At birth each of us naturally counted on our human forms of expression. When we were hungry we'd cry and suck on our knuckles. When we were in need of a diaper change we'd become aggravated and then... [more]
The Things People Say
Responding to Hurtful Remarks. It was a perfect day for a stroll through the park, and Michelle was overwhelmed with joy as she pushed her new son, in his brand new Graco stroller, towards the... [more]
A Glimpse Of Things To Come
Life Question: What would you most like to see changed in your life, or in your relationships? One of the most difficult emotional battles that we have often are those in which we are faced with... [more]
Adoption Blessings
I receive on average about five different newsletters each month from various agencies and individuals in adoption triad support groups. It wasn't until I opened my mail box and found the first... [more]
Birthmother's Day
February 2001 I'd relinquished my son in March of 1991 and by May I could still barely get out of bed. I didn't have the first meetings to look forward to, or the pictures and letters, and since the... [more]
The Men We Know
Several things come to my mind as I write this. It is time that fathers, good fathers, are given the respect and platform they so deserve. I also feel that fathers are not given nearly enough... [more]
Generational Rivalry
*This article is written from a transcript chat. All names have been withheld due to the content. A link has been provided for anyone to view the transcript in its entirety but viewer discretion... [more]
Expression
Expression. The greatest pain reliever of all times. Spreading a palate of colors over a crisp, tight canvas not knowing what the picture will be, only that the paint seems to be bleeding all the... [more]
My Christmas Miracle
My Christmas Miracle by Courtney Frey (Birthmother) December 20, 2000To The Angels who never gave up .... Nine years ago I never thought I'd live in this moment. In fact, last week I never dreamed t [more]
To Be a Birthmother
I am sitting across from a young woman in Village Inn, arriving after she phoned me earlier in sobs. She sat quickly and I immediately noticed her swollen eyes. "What will being a birthmother be... [more]
Journey to Understanding
For ten years I've fought very hard to open up doors of communication between myself and my son's adoptive parents. When I'd agreed to a semi-open adoption I thought that's what it would be. ... [more]
In The Garden of Good and Evil
I live in between two women, both whom I adore. Cynthia lives two houses down on my left and has been trying to adopt for eight months now. Stephanie lives two houses to my right and is about to give... [more]
By the Grace of God
In adoption, there are so many things we can'tControl. So many what if's, so many fears. NotTo mention the waiting. What is it that we truly need in our endeavorsOf adoption? What do we need [more]
Gratitude
Yesterday three things happened that humbled my existence. My two-year-old jammed out on her play guitar while watching herself in the reflection of the oven in my kitchen. I was filled with a... [more]
The Meeting
Two virtual, online friends~ birthmom and adoptive mom to be~ meet for the first time "in the flesh!I expected Michelle to arrive within the hour. Walking through my kitchen, my bare feet sticking to... [more]
Who Can You Trust
"Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything.Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He's done."Philippians 4:6Agencies, private facilitators, birth parents, adopt [more]
Saving Love: A Sisters Story
"Wait mom, you have a brother? That sounds silly!" Said my seven year old as we entered the second hour of doing homework that should have only taken 15 minutes. She gets extremely intuitive during... [more]
The Right Thing
"Why does doing the right thing feel so wrong?" I ask my mother five years from the day I relinquished my first-born son.She sighs, always hesitant to discuss the adoptions in our family. I must give... [more]
Journey to the Valley
I wasn't sure where I was headed, only that I was moving. My feet put themselves one in front of the other and though I was not coherent, I followed. In such a great big world, I felt alone and had... [more]
Love and Fear
Think about the last five choices you've made. It doesn't matter how simple or complex they were. Write them down.Now, look at each choice.Next to each choice write down the reason you made it. [more]
UnBroken
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved of you, and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you ..." Jeremiah 1:5 It begins. With us. The moment before our own... [more]
In The Storm
The ocean vastly spread upon the world, reaching towards the horizon as if beckoning the curious into falling over its edge; is calm today. Families in boats, friends on jet skis fill the space with... [more]
Post-Adoption Reflections
35 Birthmothers on How They Chose Adoptive Parents and Their Feelings About It Now Over the last several months I've surveyed thirty-five birthmothers and asked them to share their post-adoption... [more]
Where I Belong
*The following story is editorialized by Courtney Frey, as told by Mark, reunited adoptee, at the Adoption Forum Conference in Philadelphia in 2001. "If I wasn't sticking out like a sore thumb, my... [more]
Examining the Adoption Option:
Her whisper fills an empty silence as, staring at her growing belly, she says, "I don't know what to do, if only you could tell me what to do." Her un-born baby's voice is just as still as her own, a... [more]
It Sounds Right, But Is It the Right Thing?
From the podium Adam Pertman, author of Adoption Nation and Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Institute, imparts an electrifying energy. Keynote speaking for Adoption Forums (A Support... [more]
Be Anxious for Nothing
Do we rise early in the morning, anxiouslyPeering out our windows, fearing, That the sun will fail to rise? Do we fear evening, anxious, Waiting for the same sun to set? [more]
Labors of Love
I have stories of labor and pain,The ice chips and a forced natural birth.Stretch marks in places insane,Every one of them a mark of worth.I can tell you about transition,And pushing . [more]
He Knows Your Heart - What About Your Voice?
Try this exercise:1.) Look to the person beside you andAsk them something without usingWords. Did you get an answer?2.) There is a treasure box hidden in [more]
Once Upon A Time
C'mere baby, let your mama tell you a story,Let me whisper in your ear,All those things you need to hear.But baby, promise meYou'll listen well.Promise me, you'll love me anyway the story go [more]
Relinquishing Me
Twelve years ago, in a small hospital room, I lifted my newborn son into the air and handed him over to God. With a prayer that great love and prosperity would follow my son, and that there would be... [more]
Factors M.B.T. and S.B.F.
In any situation one can expect outlying factors that ultimately must be questioned, evaluated, and either part of the concluding outcome or simply variables set aside to consider later. I know this... [more]
Know Your Type
Open Adoption:All identifying information is disclosed to both parties. Identifying information is considered as: Full names, home addresses, e-mail addresses, telephone numbers, and in some cases... [more]
I AM a Good Girl!
I remember the first time I peered into my mother's eyes after I surrendered my son. Seeking pride, affirmation, and acceptance that I was again back in the good graces with my mother who could now... [more]
Just Leave Me Alone!
One birthmother says this to me after a support group session, "You know, it's all fine and dandy, what you said, but to be honest ... I'm just mad. I just want to be mad." I smiled, then started... [more]
Support Groups:
Do I Really Need One?I can say with confidence that going to a support group, if but once, is a wonderful experience. How many times have you asked yourself if you're crazy, or slow, or just plain... [more]
Where is MY Revelation?
Since my first book came out, "One Birthmother's Emotional Truth," I have had an overwhelming response from birthmothers on recovery issues. One of the most common phrases I've heard is, "Courtney,... [more]
I Triple Dog Dare You
I've always been the one who jumps at the sound of a dare. I'm the one everyone counted on to fulfill a mindless joke or to out-do an egotistic boy. I've done some pretty stupid things. In high... [more]
Reactive Power
One of the most difficult tasks in my "role" as part of an adoption triad is to discern the reactions and reasoning of others. To step lightly back into reflection and ponder first whether or not a... [more]
It is Never Too Late!
Sitting in the adoption agency five years ago I heard the words, "There is no such thing as an open adoption." My brain registered the words coming from the mouth of yet another new caseworker, while... [more]
More than a Memory
One familiar issue most adoptive parents have is how to tell their children about their adoptions. Last night, at dinner, for the first time I had an idea of how adoptive parents feel when their... [more]
In a Room Filled With Others
I see a face familiar to me, across the room not far. Behind those blinking eyes, a light, hoping to be seen. Careful lips, through which strained breath passes, pausing long enough with hope to... [more]
Closet Assumptions (Part Two)
In the beginning of Amy's seventh grade year she, along with her friends, prepared for cheerleading try-outs. For a seventh grade girl there is nothing more important than donning the flare-out... [more]
Moving On
Dealing With Doubt:Once you've gone forward with the choice of adoption you may still experience doubt. In fact, it would be uncommon if you didn't. Many birthmothers talk of a sense of peace they... [more]
The Unknown
"Our brains are dulled by the incurable mania of wanting to make the unknown known." - Andre Breton, The Surrealist Manifesto Richard Ford, a novelist, responds to the quote above in regards to why... [more]
Responses and Comebacks
How to avoid bulging veins. "All in one moment I wanted to tell this person what I thought, but also realized she really didn't care to know. I felt like I needed to stick up for myself, but knew it... [more]
I Said It Out-Loud
I said it out-loud. After knowing it for over eight years. I said it out-loud without even realizing what my words would do. Everyone was taking turns around the room and I noticed the anxiety... [more]
Success in Healing
The under-estimated power of motivation. I sat staring into puffy eyes, tangled hair from sleep, and a desperation seeping forth from her chapped lips ... she was the mirror reflection of what tired... [more]
