First Mother

"Being a birth mother, you experience many losses, not just one big loss at the beginning. It is a string of losses, all tied together." Joey Steele, Birthmother.

Your mother saw your first sweet smile. She received your first sloppy kiss. She experienced the joy of your first steps, and fed you your first bite of 'big girl' food.

Your mother cheered you on the first time you crawled into the waiting arms of your father. Her heart leapt when you giggled for the first time.

Your mother was concerned when you had your first cold. Her heart ached when you cried during your first shot. She wept with you when you had your first big tumble.

Your mother will be the first one to take you to kindergarten, and the first to greet you when you get off the bus. She will be the one to scoop you in her loving arms when you are lonely...and the first to scare away the boogieman when you are just certain he is under the bed.

Your mother will be the first to hear about your big crush on Billy and the first to see you off to the prom. She will be the first to comfort you when your heart is broken for the first time, and every time for that matter.

Your mother will be the first one to see the exquisite ring proudly displayed upon your finger. When it comes to the Mother and Daughter dance at your wedding, she will be the one dancing. She will be the first one to greet her pink new grandchild into the world.

My firsts are not quite that way, but they are mine all the same.

I remember how I cried when I first placed you in the arms of another. I remember my first night alone without you...for nine months I harbored you within me, now I was alone.

I will never forget hearing about the first time you smiled, or the first time I heard you got your first tooth.

How about the time you first cried because I was holding you? The first time you went the other way when I came to pick you up...I just stopped coming after you. Rejection still hurts after the first time.

Stained on my mind is the first time I heard you call another, 'Mommy'. I forever have missed all the faces and smiles...expressions and tears.

However, I do hold onto these few things. I was the first to know of your existence. I was the first to hear your tiny heart beating. I was the first and only one to feel you leap within. I was the first to see your sweet profile on the ultrasound.

I was the first one to sing you soft melodies in the night. I was the first one to pat you when you got squirmy and needed comfort. I was the first one to tell you everything would be alright like only a mother can do.

I was the one who pushed and pushed until you made your entrance into this world. I was the one who was breathless as I saw your tiny face for the first time. I was the first one who laid down her heart so that you could have a life worth living.

I may not have all the 'firsts' but I am the first.

I am your first mother.

Skye Hardwick (c)2001

All stories on Skye's Corner are copyrighted by
Skye Hardwick. ©2000.2001

Credits: Skye Hardwick